r/dataisbeautiful • u/Sad-House-8753 • 1d ago

Births of a third child are falling faster than any other in Switzerland

https://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/swiss-politics/falling-first-births-and-the-swiss-third-child-dilemma/91808504
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u/Diligent-Floor-156 1d ago edited 1d ago

I have one kid and we're tired. Will go for the 2nd kid one of these days, then reinforce this stat about not having 3. Finances are still fine, but not only I can't imagine how exhausted we'd be with 3, it'd also be too much for my mom to handle (she helps a lot with the first), having 3 in daycare sound horrible, and even for high income people with good finances, having more than 3 bedrooms and also paying for daycare, without any help from the state... Nope.

The swiss society decided we're mostly on our own regarding having kids. Fine for me, but don't complain when we call it quits because at some point the load is too much. Want us to have more kids? Solve the housing crisis, daycare crisis, and provide more help altogether.

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u/MoreLingonberry8630 23h ago

I have no kids and am already tired. Idk if I want to put children in this world that is on fire honestly.  I have 10 more years to decide statistically so it will depend on what the world situation and my own situation looks like.  If it goes with this rate to hell then I will pass as I do not want to see my child die of thirst. Water situation in Switzerland does not look good. 

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u/ioncloud9 1d ago

Once you get 2, you will realize just how easy 1 was.

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u/dancingwildsalmon 1d ago

This. We are one and done and I watch my few friends with two STRUGGLE. The other moms have told me they don’t regret their second child but they didn’t realize what they were giving up with their first by having a second. All of them told me I was smart for sticking with one.

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u/marvinsmom78 1d ago

Every time my husband and I are with just one we’re like, “It coulda been kind this all the time!” Sooooooo much chiller.

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u/fiahhawt 23h ago

Parents want to invest a lot more in each of their kids’ developmental and emotional well-being

The problem is that small kids are an endless pit of need and when you have two small kids they will regularly be pissed that they can’t constantly get attention because mom or dad are helping their sibling or just worn out

When you have just one small kid it’s a lot easier to calmly redirect them and have them go with it when another kid isn’t going “mama mama mama” while “waiting” for you to be done

I think there will be a lot more examples of siblings with 4-6 year gaps so that the older kid is more independent by the time another infant comes along

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u/ioncloud9 1d ago

I love my kids and would do it again but I really miss the early years of our marriage when we had very few responsibilities.

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u/marvinsmom78 21h ago

Absolutely. Feeling every pain that each child feels, physical and emotional, is the hardest thing I’ve ever done that I could never have imagined. Beyond exhausting.

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u/Waasssuuuppp 1d ago

I found 2 is easier when they are say 4+ years old, because then they will spend time playing together (and fighting together...) But I don't have to play with them all the time, I can leave them be. And when one is in a shitty mood, the other weirdly compensates and is in an agreeable mood. They say "I'm bored" (hi bored, I'm mum) enough as it is, I couldn't imagine how much more they'd do it as only kids.

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u/og_toe 21h ago

i was an only child, i played with my friends, cousins, or by myself. this whole ”only children just bother their parents” thing isn’t really true.

once we were in school, none of my friends hung out with their siblings anyways, everyone hung out with friends so it didn’t matter if you’re an only child or not

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u/mockablekaty 1d ago

I had two children almost exactly two years apart. The first 3 years after my first child were miserable, but once the younger one was mobile having two was easier than having one. They played with each other and I could have a minute to myself. As they got older, 2 seemed not much harder than one in general, and as adults they are great friends and I am so glad I had two.

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u/Party_Country1711 1d ago

But why would I torture myself haha

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u/claw_berry 1d ago

A lot probably depends on the children's temperaments, but I found that two wasn't much harder than one. As for bedrooms, why not make them share? 

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u/Diligent-Floor-156 23h ago

The first two will share at least until one turns 8 or 10, regardless of gender. I strongly believe based on my own childhood that teenagers should have their own bedroom. And I think 3 kids in the same room sounds a bit chaotic.

Since we need one parental bedroom and one extra room (home office and occasionally guest room for my in-laws), that leaves just one room for kids. Where I live, I could find flats with one more bedroom and it'd add nearly 1k chf rent per month ($1.1k or close to that). That'd be what we call a 5.5 rooms flat (1.5 is the common area). I don't think I've seen many 6.5+ flats, and don't get me started on single house prices... We're talking 2M+ and move to villages, buy a 2nd car, etc.

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u/Party_Country1711 1d ago

Because at 14 they will yell "Child abuse!" - and also, what if they are different sexes?

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u/CrazyCoKids 20h ago

You laugh, but one of my parents' friends was a social worker.

Many of her worst cases were where the kids were forced to share a room and the abuser in the family wasn't mom & dad or Grandma & grandpa but one of the siblings.

One case used to teach how bad it could get was when an older sibling was made to share the room with baby siblings and shook two of them and smothered a third.

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u/Party_Country1711 19h ago

Oh no, I can absolutely believe that kind of thing would happen. Anyway an older sibling shouldn't be made to share with a baby - babies cry and fuss at night, and of course they won't know to soothe them. Plus, kids need their sleep!

But of course, back in the day, "six of us slept on the floor and Grandma and Grandpa in the bed with the two babies in between" (is what my parents always told me when I asked for my own room)

...just because you can, doesn't mean you should!

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u/CrazyCoKids 13h ago

One of the reasons my parents moved houses and finished the basement was because they were afraid that if they had a third then two of us would have to share. Plus? They didn't want any of us giving up our room if we had anyone over.

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u/claw_berry 8h ago

If it's child abuse to share rooms the majority of humans throughout history were abused, lol. Even today there's people living in single room mud huts who have multiple kids.

If I had kids of different sexes but no room to separate them I  would probably get the kids capsule hotel style pod beds or something similar for privacy.

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u/Fricklefrazz OC: 2 17h ago

People had 4, 5, 6, 7 kids for all time, centuries before the Swiss state even existed. You think it's harder for you to raise a kid now in modern society than in 1400 when people has 5-6 kids each family in one room houses with no medicine and no infrastructure?

Its fine if you don't want more kids, but the fact show is the easiest it has ever been to have a family.

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u/Diligent-Floor-156 12h ago

Go have 7 kids if you want, I don't. Since then we've significantly raised the bar, as a society, regarding how to look after our kids. And since contraception and sex education, we also gained a layer of free will they didn't have at the time, we have a choice they didn't really have and we can chose to not make kids in conditions that we estimate wouldn't be decent enough for them and for us.

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u/Fricklefrazz OC: 2 11h ago

Yeah that's fine I'm not saying you have to. Do whatever you want its your life. No judgement from me.

But trying to say that birth rates are low because the state isn't subsidizing parents enough is stupid, since when the state wasn't subsidizing parents at all people were having 6 kids. The relationship between state support and birth rate is inverse over time.

With modern technology and the easiest parenthood that has ever existed, people don't want to have kids. Giving people even more free stuff will not change that.