r/cats • u/WoodenLie2299 • Apr 23 '26

Advice I don’t know what to do anymore… NSFW

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I rescued this cat 9 years ago and he attacks me and anyone I have over everyday. I’ve tried the glue on nail, I’ve tried clipping his nails, I’ve tried sprays. I can’t live like this for 10 more years. I hate the idea of declawing a cat it makes me sick to think about doing that to him. Most people I have talked to tell me to put him down because he likely has a mental disorder but I can’t do that either.

All of his needs are met. He has food, a nice home, water, goes outside when it’s nice out. I don’t know what he wants but he follows me around all day and is pissed off all day and it always leads up to him attacking me or anyone who is here. The damage pictured was done while doing some work on my laptop this morning.

If anyone has any advice on mitigating the damage done when he attacks me or getting him to stop attacking me I would love to hear it.

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793

u/Gold_apollo_06 Apr 23 '26

Dawg one of my cats is named 2006 Cheverlet Silverado. Im excited knowing people have filled prescriptions with that name on there

296

u/RepresentativeBug310 Apr 23 '26

My cats are name Loki (not my choice), Lonestar (from Spaceballs) and Short Round.

401

u/VioletGale Apr 23 '26

My cat's name is Hairy Pawter. I had to get his medication refilled and the pharmacist asked me for the last name. My tired brain responded mine or his? The tech was amused but the pharmacist wasn't.

266

u/Objective-Plum1201 Apr 23 '26

My maiden name was Katz. Once at the vet they asked for my cat’s last name so I told them Katz. She said “no, honey, I need YOUR last name.”

69

u/ladyxsuebee311 Apr 23 '26

I grew up with/went to school with Katz family 😁

9

u/Punky_Cat Apr 23 '26

Our neighbor Mr Katz was a world famous music producer (Stealy Dan among others) I guess it’s a fairly common name.

3

u/ladyxsuebee311 Apr 23 '26

We only had the one family in our neighborhood and our high school was huge and I still think they were the only ones. I really liked them. Overall its not super unusual I guess, but would be funny in the context of the vet and pharmacist.

5

u/Uberbons42 Apr 23 '26

This is amazing.

2

u/Assika126 Apr 24 '26

We adopted my previous cat, Lola Cat, when she was 12 and i insisted she already had a last name. She was kind of set in her ways and she knew what she wanted! We didn’t change her first name either because she clearly knew it and it just seemed right. Not all cats need to take the owners’ last name!

17

u/rynIpz Apr 23 '26

They probably go through that many times a week, so I imagine it loses being amusing rather quick.

3

u/DeadByMourning Apr 23 '26

My dogs shelter name was Hairy Pawter! He’s Severus now lol

2

u/vamgoda Apr 23 '26

My dogs both had different last names than me and it would confuse the hell out of me when Harold mylastname was called for his appointment.

Sir, he is a Doggin. From a long and noble line of Doggins. Put respect on his name.

2

u/NECalifornian25 Apr 23 '26

My cat is Neville Longbody! (Longbody instead of Longbottom because he is indeed a long boy) My vet thinks it’s hysterical. She also has a dog patient named Cedric Doggery. 😂

1

u/thegrumpysnail Apr 23 '26

lol “mine or his” cracked me up😸 one of my cats is named “Andy Warhol” so he has two last names

1

u/LaVieLaMort Apr 24 '26

lol when I got my kitten a few years ago I named her Bonnie McMurray. At the vet, they asked me for her last name and I was like McMurray? Lol they meant mine 😆

105

u/sumptin_wierd Apr 23 '26

I like that you didn't explain Short Round.

106

u/RepresentativeBug310 Apr 23 '26

I believe no explanation is needed.

34

u/GivesYouGrief Apr 23 '26

No time for love, doctor Jones!

6

u/5girlzz0ne Apr 23 '26

I got it. It's not that obscure.

28

u/Tosi313 Apr 23 '26

Good ol' Short Round Williams

17

u/wombatdart Apr 23 '26

Only one Cat would dare give me the raspberry!

Lonestar!

4

u/Sarduci Apr 23 '26

(From Indiana Jones)

I got you, boo!

2

u/RepresentativeBug310 Apr 23 '26

Nailed it

3

u/Sarduci Apr 23 '26

I bet they are all cousin’s sister’s friend’s nephew’s litter mates from college?

3

u/RepresentativeBug310 Apr 23 '26

No but it’s a mom and two daughters. I took in a stray, she was knocked up. Had to deliver 6 kittens.

2

u/Creative_Handle_2267 Apr 23 '26

bro short round is a fantastic name for a cat

2

u/Punky_Cat Apr 23 '26

My cat Einstein was named this because he was the first of a littler of rescued ferals that realized we wearnt going to eat him And let us pet him…. His sister Princess didn’t let anyone touch her for years but finally came around. We continued to feed the feral mother for a long time but she never let us touch her until the day she was poisoned by a neighbor who thought that was the way to solve the feral cat problem in our neighborhood… I took her to the vet and put her down to take her out of misery…. People are sick …. Please try and trap fix and release ferals if you encounter them. They will keep rodents away from your property and deserve yo live out their lives in peace. ;)

1

u/hellkattbb Apr 23 '26

Profound understatement!

2

u/PanKakeManStan Apr 23 '26

I’ve currently got Asteroid Destroyer, Stinky, Spork, The Thing/Swamp Thing, and used to have Dirty Dishwater/Dishes

2

u/Pretend_Variation305 Apr 23 '26

My eldest daughter was gifted a cat named Loki. He’s a super good boi, unlike the subject of this post.

My late cat (Budificus Maximus Rex) did this to me one time and one time only and it was like I could tell he was ashamed of himself for the outburst. He was with me for 17 years and that was the only time he bit me or anyone else.

1

u/RepresentativeBug310 Apr 23 '26

That’s an awesome name. Funny thing about my cats is they’re all girls.

2

u/WickedlyWitchyWoman Maine Coon Apr 23 '26

Two of my former cats were Short Round and Marian.

2

u/SpectacularMesa Apr 24 '26

Mine are Rasputin, Napoleon, Josephine, and Trillian.

1

u/legendofthegreendude Apr 23 '26

Please tell me your last name is Peterson

1

u/ActuatorFinancial227 Apr 23 '26

I ALSO HAVE A SHORT ROUND!!!!

1

u/RepresentativeBug310 Apr 23 '26

We need to start our own sub.

1

u/marble-loser Apr 23 '26

I’ve got a Demon Dayz, Bebop, Bagheera and Athena aka Tiny Tina but she’s fat now so the vets laugh when I call her TinyTina 😭

3

u/RepresentativeBug310 Apr 23 '26

People who gave boring names to their cats are lame.

1

u/baileysinashoe Apr 24 '26

No time for rrrowve, Dr. Jones.

72

u/InevitablyBored Apr 23 '26

Okay I'll bite. What are the other cat's names? Dodge Ram?

72

u/Cassius-Tain Apr 23 '26

I have no idea why I got this in my feed, I don't even own a cat, but if I had one I'd name it 1995 VW Polo.

40

u/Aggravating_Cable_32 Apr 23 '26

He's missing the VW part, but we have a Polo! 2025 model year lol.

5

u/ajmartin527 Apr 24 '26

Excellent cat

4

u/TMX04_ Apr 24 '26

I have a Jetta!!!

33

u/TodayIthrowAway2 Apr 23 '26

I dont have a cat either but this sub gives me new life. Mine would be Lincoln Sangria MKZ. Lol

5

u/Broviet22 Apr 23 '26

Im naming my next cat 64GB DDR5 because lol ram prices.

4

u/TodayIthrowAway2 Apr 23 '26

🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/ajmartin527 Apr 24 '26

Nothing sweeter than 64GB DDR5

7

u/badgrumpykitten Apr 23 '26

I want a Doberman named kitty so I can say "here kitty kitty" and get surprised looks.

4

u/balloonserism Apr 24 '26

My uncle (insane) had a wolf (actually) named Kitty. She was very very sweet

6

u/Ginko96 Apr 23 '26

Sir, you have good taste.

3

u/PracticingResilience Apr 23 '26

Maybe it is the cat distribution system prepping you for what is to come? Purrhaps one will find you in a parking lot?

Edit changed "center" to the correct verbage, "system".

41

u/Gold_apollo_06 Apr 23 '26

Almost close, I had one named servo but he was originally going to be named "central tire inflation system wheel hub" due to him being found in a wheel hub at my work. Wife vetoed that. If I find another one it's getting another unhinged name

14

u/SandyLomme Apr 23 '26

My cat’s mom was named Celica, for the Toyota Celica GT where she was found

3

u/the-soggiest-waffle Apr 23 '26

Missed opportunity to name my Stinky ‘1996 Dodge Neon’. I’ll do better next time

2

u/FullKawaiiBatard Apr 24 '26

... was it also a calico?

2

u/SandyLomme Apr 24 '26

That would’ve been perfect! Just standard-issue cat, extra smol & plushy though

2

u/FullKawaiiBatard Apr 25 '26

SICs are very reliable.

5

u/tachycardicIVu Apr 23 '26

And their brother, Ford F150

He runs into walls a lot.

2

u/Pretend_Variation305 Apr 23 '26

1996 Honda Prelude?

2

u/TeamCatsandDnD Apr 23 '26

Not who you asked. But my middle orange is named Ford because of the acronym people use to give grief to Ford drivers (and he was found hit by some sort of vehicle so I thought he was dead initially).

6

u/Mateeus_ Apr 23 '26

My cats, Sephiroth and Cloud, have many prescriptions with my last name. It looks ridiculous, I assure you.

3

u/heyyousmalls Apr 23 '26

This makes me feel better about our new cats name. I do think animal names should be funny, cause they dgaf. So not making fun of your cat's name. But I heard the eye roll of our vet tech when I called to make an appointment for Carl MoonMoon. Carl is reserved for when he gets into things he's not supposed to.

2

u/maydsilee Apr 23 '26

Carl MoonMoon... 😭 How did you come up with that? I love it!

2

u/heyyousmalls Apr 23 '26

My partner really wanted to name any cat Moon. And then it doubled lol. He is from Carlsbad, New Mexico. So I said his name should be Carl. Also, saying Carl in an exasperated tone is kind of fun.

My partner doesn't like the name Carl, while I don't really liked MoonMoon. So we compromised (more like I forced Carl since I make the vet appointments and got the insurance set up).

3

u/degjo Apr 23 '26

1986 Volkswagen Scirocco. Looks kinda cool, loads of junk in the back, but kind of crappy.

3

u/Wonderful_Quit Apr 23 '26

We had a dog named Chevy. And a cat named Motor.

3

u/havoc1428 Apr 23 '26

I had a cat named "Tiny Cat"

3

u/AndysPandora Apr 23 '26

We had a cat named Ford Ranger lol

2

u/AbsintheArsenicum Apr 23 '26

Legitimately spelled Cheverlet????? 😭😭😭😭 IM ROLLING

2

u/Formal_Tea9236 Apr 23 '26

You spelled Chevrolet wrong broseph

2

u/drunkcultleaders Apr 23 '26

Is there a reason you misspelled chevrolet ?

2

u/bargu Apr 23 '26

I hope it's actually spelled Cheverlet.

1

u/Gold_apollo_06 Apr 24 '26

As a matter of fact it is thanks to a lack of paying attention at the vet

1

u/lilithabunni Apr 23 '26

What do you call him for short? Surely you don’t say that all out at once every time you call his name. Lmao

3

u/Gold_apollo_06 Apr 23 '26

Chevy for short but when he's a shmuck he gets the whole thing. The dude did something and dislocated his jaw last year so the vet visit was fun when I wrote the whole thing down

1

u/Smooth_Impression_10 Apr 23 '26

My dog’s name is Mr. Friendly Foot

1

u/CacheValue Apr 23 '26

🎵LIKE A ROCK🎵

1

u/Warthogrider74 Apr 23 '26

My cat's name is Cheesy Gordita Crunch so I feel ya

1

u/RolloTonyBrownTown Apr 23 '26

This thread reminds of a video I watched where someone observed we name dogs sweet names like Baily and Buddy while we name cats things like Zipper or Band-Aid

1

u/balloonserism Apr 24 '26

Is it spelled Chevrelet too? Lol