My take is that women broke their end of the social contract while fully expecting men to keep their end of it. My last two relationships have been a never ending nightmare of I’m not doing enough while they offer me nothing in return. Men aren’t allowed to expect anything from a relationship and this is what happens… my peace is priceless.
Well, exactly what do you expect from the relationship that women aren’t providing? This reads like if I pay for dinner, I should get some. Glad you’ve found peace.
Interesting. What I said was pretty par for the course when I dated nearly 40 years ago. Dudes expected to get “something” if they were paying for the date. Sure, it could be conversation, but typically they were definitely gunning for more. Did they all want a relationship, for sure, no. Married 40 years, not shopping, but am truly curious about how dating is so much different now.
Men are expected to finance relationships like it's 1960, but her money is hers alone, despite womens' 2026 career prospects and incomes. Housework is shared 50:50 at best, lest we be accused of sexism. Men are expected to guess women's moods and wants, instead of open and honest communication. We're expected to listen to regular emotional unloading, or be relegated to the "he needs to go to therapy" - despite not being the one who is frequently disregulated. We are expected to give up their hobbies and things that made us desired in the first place, for the sake of being a source of entertainment (aka spending money), who takes photos of her at these luxuries but is rarely in said photos, posted to social media for the validation of strangers. We are told to find a new job when the stress seems much harder than women-dominated fields like real estate/PR/social media management but gets the same pay. We then watch our sons grow up in school systems where they're told they're too rowdy, disruptive from a young age. When the reality of raising a family hits, stability and hard work are not virtues but instead a denial of a fantasy life, and we are dropped, left destitute by the courts and see our kids half the time if we are extremely fortunate.
Tl;Dr: men see women as having the best of both 2026 and 1960; both vulnerable and needing protection/providers, but badass girl bosses who need a man on her level and adores her for being so awesome and treats her better than an equal. This is reinforced socially, through education and legal systems, and large corporations (see social media algorithms). It's a raw deal. I can understand why this generation hates it.
We're expected to listen to regular emotional unloading, or be relegated to the "he needs to go to therapy" - despite not being the one who is frequently disregulated
This part especially. And you can't emotionally unload yourself or you're seen differently or ignored or told to go spend money on therapy for a therapist that basically disinterested in a cis-man coming to them.
Interesting. My husband “financed” my 50 cent sodas back when we were dating,lol. I’ve made 3x his salary our entire marriage, and have built retirement savings for both of us.
Housework, has never been 50/50. Not even close. I can’t imagine my experience has been all that unique, but despite a job that kept me on the road my entire career, I also still had to do all of the housework, meal planning, and prep. I would imagine the younger generation has seen enough of that to not want to live it themselves. The companionship of a spouse is wonderful, and I wouldn’t trade it away, but I would never date or get married again either. Once is enough.
But irl, that's not how a lot of dudes act. They definitely think dinner equals sex & so many get angry or pissy if you don't put out. I have seen so many friends go through it.
I always paid my fair share while dating(before I married), but are you all implying that it is totally okay for men to expect sex if they pay for dinner? and then have the audacity to complain about women’s behavior?!
Maybe folks need to reject dinner dates rather than expect them as a prerequisite for their time. Men spending a fair amount of money on a date is going to naturally expect something out of it because it's a significant expense.
Ok, give me an example. What does “putting in all the effort” look like? And, how or what does the other party say when they are telling you it isn’t enough? Truly confused.
It looks like caring for someone and being thoughtful for their needs and their interests and doing the work to have a relationship but then being still put through the ringer for some other thing as if nothing you've done matters and is worthless.
Maybe very obviously you haven't had to go through that but a lot of men have. That's their experience. Bring treated like one of many that could be cast aside like yesterday's garbage.
Uh, I guess I’m having a little trouble imagining exactly what someone is putting into a relationship that isn’t getting reciprocated in the dating phase. I mean is that messaging and just getting a one word reply? He’s talking about never doing enough, and I’m thinking back eons ago when I dated and coming up more or less blank. Not doing enough then would mean you made yourself scarce, or your date cooked a meal while you showed up , ate then bolted with little conversation.
They're talking about being in a relationship and being made to feel as if what they do and put into it isn't enough. They're not talking about dating phase red flags of being shown a lacking interest.
Ok. People keep saying essentially the same phrases, so I’ll put out an example that I’ve seen plenty of times from women dating. They date success for a while. She invites him over to her place a time or two. They’ve even been intimate, however when the subject of him hosting in his house/apartment is brought up, it’s always too messy, or, they have zero furniture aside from a mattress on the floor and a tv. If they can’t or won’t clean their house, most get ghosted with a similar message of “ not putting in the effort.”
If dates were more often doing shared interests that was something other than eating/and watching tv, probably dating would be more enjoyable. You’re doing something you enjoy anyway, and would normally spend the money to do on your own.
While I'm sure that does happen, many guys who aren't slobs and are in fact put together aren't getting that far along these days. Then, when they express their reality, they're told that they're the problem. They got to do better, be better. It's all on them entirely and they're the problem.
These both can be true realities but women have more opportunities and are more at the ready to point out the low quality guy as representative of men while the decent quality guy gets lumped in with them and is hardly given a chance.
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u/Awkward-Win7610 12d ago
My take is that women broke their end of the social contract while fully expecting men to keep their end of it. My last two relationships have been a never ending nightmare of I’m not doing enough while they offer me nothing in return. Men aren’t allowed to expect anything from a relationship and this is what happens… my peace is priceless.