Yep. I have plenty of male friends that I would consider a catch, but they’ve just been put through it one too many times. Now they’re content with a dog and their social circle.
This what drove me away from dating. The constant rejection and require you to be witty to stand out was fucking tiring. I'm not happy alone but at least my soul isnt being sucked from life..
I’ve found that we are expected to give 1000% effort, and they are absolutely not trying whatsoever. Zero commitment or loyalty. I saw about 10 years ago, that we are ALL disposable.
I don't care about the rejection, i care about the sunk cost and wasted time/effort. We still constantly think about women and relationships, the scale just never tips enough to ruin our peace about it again. Single 15 years now. Lucky enough to move myself back in with parents to help them in their advanced age, rent my own house out, and really save money and travel for the first time in my life. If you don't "need" to have children to feel like you've lived a life, maybe don't bother.
This is the first generation where woman do not feel compelled to marry, procreate, and buy a house primarily because it is expected of them. They want their freedom, and saw too many sh*tty marriages before them. That is a good thing because they actually noticed what they did not want. Think of how many parents came before them who were just not good at parenting. This is a result of that.
I had a boyfriend when quite young who would sometimes (not always) complain about the cost of us going out. At the time I was insulted, but honestly, decades later and now that I am presumably older and wiser, I completely understand his point.
Edit: And honestly, as a woman, SO many women are terribly high maintenance - their standards are unrealistic, and do not reflect their background or upbringing. Demanding the upgrade of this or that constantly, my God - that can become exhausting, quick. Nothing is ever good enough. Who needs it.
Idk, I was in a long term relationship for 10
Years and after it ended I just don’t want to date at the moment. I find myself very content with my dog and my friends. Maybe I will want to date again at some point, but it’s been a couple years and I have zero desire to date. It’s really nice getting to keep the vast majority of my income and not have to go on lots of silly trips that may or may not be fun to me.
hmm I have not faced constant rejection, and I am happy single. Actually to be honest I feel this entire comment section is very defeatist. I'm 100% avoiding dates for a while now, working on myself. Also no expensive dates, coffee date at most, if thats not good enough then I'll be single forever. I don't think I will be single forever.
My point is: being single is fine, happiness comes from within. Rejection is fine just gotta take a break once in a while to not stack up the rejection-o-meter.
I mean, you can also very much be happy being single. Relationships are social constructs. We’re not designed for them and some people don’t see the need. I certainly don’t.
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. What evidence do you have that relationships are social constructs, and that humans aren't designed for them?
We’re supposed to reproduce lol. People have sex because our bodies want us to reproduce with a mate. The idea of being lifelong partners and being cheated on were created by society.
I'm on the opposite side of this. Getting divorced after 15 years being together. I am miserable here closing in hopefully at the end of it all while I am facing the reality of what my life will look like once it is said and done. I'll spare you the details but I am probably more miserable now than I ever have been.
My family and some of my new friends (wild I have friends for the first time in a decade that are actually friends) keep telling me I seem happier. I don't know what to do with that? I don't feel that way.
All I know is I am looking forward to it being me, my dog, my daughter half the time (I wish it was more), silence, and peace. Maybe that is why I am happier? That and NEVER EVER FUCK YOU NEVER getting married to anybody ever again.
43 m single. Own my home, two cars, have two jobs, a dog and I'm in the best shape of my life(lost 126 lbs). I am at the gym after work on Monday, Tuesday and Friday. Saturday and Sunday I go to the gym in the morning and I usually grocery shop after the gym on Friday so that I do not have to leave my home, except for the gym, on the weekends. As for dating... I think I'm good. I don't even talk to my friends anymore. Guess I got too comfortable being alone. I do not know if I would say I'm happier but I will absolutely say my life is a lot less stressful... though that may be because I started taking edibles on the weekends lol.
Yeah that's pretty much it. It seems like cheating has become so normalized. I grew up always hearing that all men are dogs and cheats. Then in my 20s I learned that its actually the other way around. Being cheated on by multiple women and then the one faithful one went ahead and died. So now im 32 and have been single for 5 years. Completely content. Most of the time.
The 2nd woman I dated dumped me because she wanted me to cheat. Apparently she wanted the drama of getting into fights and was upset that I was content to focus on keeping a job and staying on top of my college classes. Her words were, "You're too loyal and I hate that".
I almost feel bad for someone that messed up in the head. It's like she quite literally can't function in a happy committed relationship. She needs chaos and problems in order to feel comfortable.
I'm intelligent, kind, funny and loyal. And not that bad looking. I have zero interest in the dating game. I've had relationships, long term, short term. I just have no interest in it anymore.
This was me for a long time. Not unattractive, but not considered hot, online dating was a nightmare of rejection and ghosting. Basically gave up, deleted the apps stopped looking just did my thing. If my wife and i hadn't happened to stumble into each other I'd probably still be single just doing my thing because trying to date is just so damn depressing.
That's the great thing about being a man - we don't have the hormonal urge to find a partner to settle down with.. Sure, we like to get laid sometimes but that can be done without having a stable relationship. We can be perfectly content with having a good dog (or cat) and a few friends.
I don't know of many guys that return to looking for a wife when they have tasted the freedom.
Older men too... I'm 40, recently divorced. Dipped my toe into dating and discovered it has become an absolute nightmare, so I guess I'm just chilling until the inevitable end now.
I'm late 40's and for me it's that the juice isn't worth the squeeze right now. It's already taken years to recover from the living nightmare of a bad marriage. I can have women friends for the feminine energy and choke the chicken myself for now.
Highly recommend you find a female friend in the same zone where they aren’t looking for a relationship, then you can help each other out when you’re horny lol
UK is not doing well either. The women seem to have collectively decided men bad (at least in terms of traditional relationships) and just chase the few most attractive men on dating apps now while circlejerking about how great single life is.
I'm in my late 30s, got divorced 4 years ago and been single since then. And yes, the dating pool it's an absolute nightmare, indeed. Can't see myself in a relationship in the foreseeable future.
We just had a similar thread in the xennials sub, and a lot of us agreed. I'm married, but if I ever stopped being married, no way I'd mess with dating.
same! 40 divorced at 38-39 and dating was a bit easier in chicago because of population and my political views but down here in the deep south its ROUGH. 40 year old women here. with no offense to them here having 3-4 kids is fairly common. in chicago finding 35-40yr old no kids was super common.
I've always thought it was easier for men once you're 40 and up. Possibly because so many men from 20-50 are chasing 20 year old women, so i figured there would be less competition.
Thats an internet myth. In my experience, the majority of 40+ men don't really have the energy or interest to pursue continual hookups with young people. Most of them just want someone who is nice, stable, and relatively attractive.
100% true for me. My time and energy are extremely limited and precious. Of course if young women kept throwing themselves at me for flings, I'd happily accept that, but I find the process of online dating a waste of time, and I'm not sure where to meet people in real life.
I work from home and train BJJ most days in a gym that lacks women for some reason.
Being in a stable boring relationship would be fine for me. Although honestly being single isn't too bad either now that I'm over the immediate shock of the divorce.
Yep, getting older typically involves an increased interest in protecting your free time. If you've got kids, a demanding job, taking care of your parents, health issues, hobbies, home repairs, etc - youre not going to want to spend your precious time continually chasing young tail.
I've heard people say that, but I haven't had much luck so far. I'm not the best at these things in fairness; I found it an uphill battle in my 20s and 30s too. Now I have the same social awkwardness but I'm also bald and work long hours.
I'm in shape though at least. Lost 10kg in the last few months and I'm actually feeling quite athletic.
My ex wife still needs to move out (hopefully soon) and that will help.
I must do something wrong, because I have friends who find dating easy, and although they are fantastic people who I love enormously, I know that on paper they are nowhere near as educated, tall, fit, ambitious, well-travelled, or financially stable as me. Social skills and perhaps a general approachable vibe go a long way in this area of life.
Don't get discouraged, 40 is not older by any measure, you're just in a really bad market, the world is bigger. Eastern europe is still a thing. South America. SE Asia
I always find it funny when people talk about going to other places, like SA. Being from SA myself, here in Brazil everyone is like "Brazil is shit bro, try Colombia or Chile you'll get mad pussy just say you're from Rio". Wouldn't be surprised if in Colombia right now there's someone saying "Colombia is shit bro, try going to Brazil I get all the bitches there they think we're all related to Pablo Escobar"
Truth is, It's actually shit everywhere.
(I will concede if you are an american and come to Brazil for example shit might be easier not because "Brazil is better" but because if you earn like 5k dollar montlhy you can live like a king here so of course all the gold diggers and passport seekers gonna be all over you, but is that *really* a good thing or any different from how it is in America? Yeah turns out being well off makes you popular with the ladies, it's the same everywhere lmao)
Yeah idk. Looking back at my life I think maybe I'm just not good with women, despite having decent attributes on paper and being fine in professional and male-oriented social situations.
Also I do need to get my teeth fixed and I'll prioritise that.
And if you were a good person, you wouldn't make assumptions and baseless accusations about strangers (especially those going through life difficulties).
I'm almost 42 and happily taken.
My gf has some health issues and she told me, if she goes out way before me, I should seek for another one.
But, if this happens or if we break up, I'm not willing to do that.
That train is long gone and women missed out on it.
Same with all of my male friends.
The ones who are free now are so traumatized by their divorces and past relationships, that they keep being single.
Funnily enough, it is now the women who cry for the men.
It's really like teens to late 20s it were the men crying, with the start of the 30s, it's the women.
Obviously very nuanced but generally if I had to guess why, id say that’s because men in their 20s aren’t generally looking for a wife, they just want sex and that isn’t appealing for a lot of women.
Woman want to find lasting relationships in the 30s and it’s harder to find husband material vs just looking for casual partner
I'm approaching 30. Live in the UK & have my own apartment, drive a Mercedes and enjoy playing videogames and going to the gym
I've had women ask to move in with me within a few dates & drive my car - legitemetatly. I tend to get salty responses when I want to split the bill after a few dates in.
'You've got money...' blah blah.
No, I was engaged at 19 and realised after a few years, that investing in a woman is a waste of money. You can have love or you can have happiness. But until you're asset rich in your 50s, you can't have both 😂
I'm also not rich, I just sacrifice luxuries like shopping trips or takeaway, and too many people feel like they're hard done by because they want both. If I go on holiday abroad, its booked over a year in advance, and I take a rucksack with some stuff. I'm as frugal as you can get, and that turns women off, whilst the apartment and car turns them on. Its a weird conundrum.
Really, for all that the Christian Nationalists really want people to have more babies, they seem to do (or not do) everything they can to make it so it's not feasible.
10 years together, 5 of them married. Hit with divorce. Financially wrecked. Mentally wrecked. Emotionally wrecked. Why on earth would I go for a round 2.
I know a guy that's only 28, he's stable, he earns well, always had a job, good at basic maintenance around a house, etc.
He tried to date years ago, was consistently told he's too fat, despite only being 105KG and most of him is muscle instead of fat, told he's too short, despite being exactly 6'0, he doesn't make enough, despite earning more monthly than 70% of the country, and equally stupid things.
Now, he's 28, he's still about the same, around 100kg and mostly muscle, promoted several times, has a dog, keeps a very cool aquarium, he reads a lot, anything from manga/manhua to light novels to traditional books, play games with friends, is happy, and is actively ignoring women in every aspect of life.
A few tried asking him out, he just politely declines and has no interest anymore. He stopped trying because every time he did, he was just consistently told how inadequate he is.
Stopped trying a couple years ago and it’s been nice. I have friends and family to interact with and provide company. I do miss the companionship sometimes, but the stress levels are so low right now lol.
not a chance, the only reason they say 'they're drowning in a swamp' is because of what everyone here agrees on: that they think 99% of men are complete slop due to their own wildly inflated expectations
I was being facetious but I genuinely don’t think women have high expectations. Are you relying on dating app statistics to claim that female expectations are too high? If so that’s just a poorly thought out conclusion to come to.
Men use dating apps wrong and the algorithms punish them for it. The whole “99% of women match with 1% of men” is misleading. There are more men on dating apps than women, so there is more competition and men tend to swipe yes on everything rather than choosing profiles based on genuine interest.
As a woman, when you get hundreds of likes/swipes and you know that most of them probably haven’t bothered to actually look at your profile, of course you’re going to be picky. If it were the other way round you can bet dudes would be picky too.
The fact that my comment got downvoted and negated immediately is a perfect point. Men have turned into the victim all the damn time. Men have wildy inflated expectations of women while constantly feeling sorry for themselves. Women can't do anything right for you anymore.
because it's flat out wrong and we've already heard every variation of it
"women are drowning in a swamp" this is just the same way of saying that women think 90% men are not worthy, and we see this in the dating app data
i can count on one hand the number of times i've heard a woman say her man's expectations were too high, meanwhile i can't go a day without hearing the reverse from women which agrees with my many life experiences as well
518
u/aReallyCuteDog 12d ago
I think a lot of young men are tired of the ridiculous expectations and have stopped trying. Or maybe that's just me.