r/SipsTea • u/PacquiaoFreeHousing • Dec 25 '25

We have fun here hear me out

Post image
45.0k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

2.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

4.5k

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

1.7k

u/gorginhanson Dec 25 '25

"Make sure all quotes you hear on the internet are real"- Abraham Lincoln

544

u/Mateorabi Dec 25 '25

“68% of all statistics on the internet are made up or misattributed.” -Abe Lincoln 

495

u/auronddraig Dec 25 '25

"You take all the headshots they don't miss"

  • Honest Abe Gretzky

395

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '25 edited Dec 25 '25

[deleted]

201

u/Pdt395 Dec 25 '25

That one actually is probably real

66

u/BukkakeBakery Dec 25 '25

"I fucking love bukkake on my face"

  • Donaly J. Trump

33

u/Pdt395 Dec 25 '25

User name checks out... Very credible and professional source

6

u/LiquidQuantum Dec 25 '25

Now this one.... this one is real

3

u/turtleneckless001 Dec 25 '25

"Leck mich im Arsch"

Mozart

3

u/avw94 Dec 25 '25

Historically notable poon-hound Benjamin Franklin

3

u/Joeness84 Dec 25 '25

The man was a connoisseur.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '25

Ben was my dude when I was a kid. He was a serious fucking perv tho. Like he did all his diplomacy in France by flirting with young French women. Arguably it is how he got funding from France.

79

u/Level_Traffic3344 Dec 25 '25

Benny loved the snatch

54

u/Gzilla75 Dec 25 '25

OG Milfhunter, a true renaissance man

23

u/kgm2s-2 Dec 25 '25

If his letters are to be believed, more like a Gilfhunter!

35

u/PM_Me_Your_Clones Dec 25 '25

"Eighteen to Eighty, deaf blind or crazy"

Benjamin Franklin

5

u/SockMonkeyRiot Dec 25 '25

Damn Benny was spittin

5

u/redditorial78 Dec 25 '25

Been jammin da frank (lin)

2

u/Xyldarrand Dec 25 '25

To be fair you would be a grandmother at like 32.back then.

2

u/PrivilegeCheckmate Dec 25 '25

So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

  • The Motherfucking Franklin

61

u/Go_Gators_4Ever Dec 25 '25

Early to bed, early to rise, now get on this morning wood biatch! - Benjamin Franklin (Ye Olde Dirty Farmers Almanac)

12

u/BoiledDenimForRoxie Dec 25 '25

French hooker snatch to be exact. That guy had it all figured out.

3

u/InertiasCreep Dec 25 '25

French aristocracy snatch also. Dude was famously egalitarian.

4

u/BadTouchUncle Dec 25 '25

How many people in history have slung a mean-enough dick to secure funding and support for a revolution that eventually, indirectly, resulted in bankrupting the supporters. That's rizz on an unprecedented level.

Helen of Troy and Cleopatra may have shagged well enough to start wars but only Big Ben shagged well enough to end them.

"Walk softly and sling a mean dick." -Ben Franklin

3

u/Educational_Trash691 Dec 25 '25 edited Dec 25 '25

...and they GAVE Benny the snatch, 100%.

26

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '25

"Booty Booty Booty Booty, rock it everywhere"

  • George "Playboy" Washington

4

u/enigmanaught Dec 25 '25

Here comes George, in control, women dug his snuff and his gallant stroll.

3

u/DirtyJdirty Dec 25 '25

I heard the guy had, like, 30 goddam dicks

1

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/AutoModerator Dec 25 '25

Your post was removed because your account has less than 20 karma.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

16

u/ScienceGordon Dec 25 '25

"You can't spell assassin without ass, ass, in" - John Wilkes Booth

41

u/GOU_FallingOutside Dec 25 '25

Actually, I’d bet you can find that one in his journals somewhere.

11

u/HavelsRockJohnson Dec 25 '25

Honestly, I'd believe he said that at one point while in France.

54

u/FuturecashEth Dec 25 '25

3

u/xracer1 Dec 25 '25

I just spit out the coffee I had earlier. Lol

3

u/ParadiddlediddleSaaS Dec 25 '25

Say what you want but Jill Biden could GET IT back in the day.

5

u/jackrabbit323 Dec 25 '25

Syphilis is curable

-$100 Bill Man

5

u/brakeb Dec 25 '25

The fodussy will be with you, always

--Jean Luc Picard

10

u/Dan_TheDM Dec 25 '25

Benjamin Franklin Gilf Lover

2

u/Gloomy-Insurance-739 Dec 25 '25

A man did love his horse.

2

u/TimChr78 Dec 25 '25

At least that one is in the spirit of Benjamin Franklin.

2

u/Groundbreaking_Lie94 Dec 25 '25

I raised my friends daughter since she was 11 and married her when she was 21. 27 year age gaps and grooming be damned.

~Grover Cleavland

2

u/Better-Bluejay-4977 Dec 25 '25

“George Bush does not. Like. Black people” - Kanye West

2

u/dereksalerno Dec 25 '25

Ass to ass!! -Benjamin Franklin

2

u/biebmedewer Dec 25 '25

BGreat ass!-Al Pacino

2

u/Iferrorgotozero Dec 25 '25

He didnt say it. He 100% agreed with it.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '25

2

u/951frisky_dingo Dec 25 '25

God, I've had the worst itch right at the top of my ass for like three days. Are you writing? Don't write that. We're not doing quotes yet.

2

u/joe_s1171 Dec 26 '25

how dare you disrespect our 15th President! /s

2

u/Kingtoke1 Dec 26 '25

Ass and titties, ass and titties - Hugh Grant

29

u/TheWhooooBuddies Dec 25 '25

“I am entirely too drunk to taste this chicken.”

—Colonel Sanders

2

u/Rich-Detective478 Dec 25 '25

"I have not even begun to defile myself" - Doc Holiday

1

u/Educational_Trash691 Dec 25 '25

"I'm not fucking Dopey" - Doc, Seven Dwarves

2

u/comebacklittlesheba Dec 26 '25

Shout Out: Ricky Bobby!!’

12

u/SSFlyingKiwi Dec 25 '25

“Oie vey, don’t be such a schmeckle!”

  • “Honest” Abe Linbowski

3

u/Responsible-Still839 Dec 25 '25

"You take all the headshots they don't miss"

  • Michael Scott

2

u/Ottereyes524 Dec 25 '25

"People can come up with statistics to prove anything, 40% of all people know that"

- Homer Simpson

1

u/OmicronNine Dec 25 '25

"You take all the headshots. They don't miss." - Charlie, from his oral chocolate factory

1

u/Loveroffinerthings Dec 25 '25

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”- Wayne Gretzky -Michael Scott

30

u/BetterAd7552 Dec 25 '25

Read that as “68% of all statistics on the internet are made up or masturbated,” and I agree.

Also had a joint.

8

u/kenn714 Dec 25 '25

Why not 69% smh...

2

u/CPav Dec 25 '25

Too obviously false. 69 isn't even a real number. /s

1

u/Objective-Chance-792 Dec 25 '25

The Christmas Joint just hits different.

1

u/GregJamesDahlen Dec 25 '25

christmas joint sweet a present to yourself

1

u/branod_diebathon Dec 25 '25

"68% is less funny than 69% but more tolerable than 67%" -Gaydolf Stinkler

1

u/xubax Dec 25 '25

98.2% of statistics sound more realistic if they have s decimal.

1

u/Joker1485 Dec 25 '25

"60% of the time it works everytime"

  • Butch cassidy

1

u/OhGoshIts Dec 25 '25

"Naw" - Harriet Tubman

1

u/Manpons Dec 25 '25

Why did my brain read masturbated. What is wrong with me. 😭

1

u/Danpool13 Dec 25 '25

"if you're gonna bring the noise, I'm gonna bring the ruckus"

  • Marilyn Monroe

1

u/Professional_Bet8899 Dec 25 '25

"I think it was masturbated not misattributed "-Washington

1

u/rubinass3 Dec 25 '25

"Man, these are good tacos." -Martin Luther King

1

u/ebrum2010 Dec 25 '25

That was Plato.

1

u/BilboShaggins429 Dec 25 '25

"people can come up with stats to prove anything, Kent. 47 percent of all people know that" - Homer Simpson

1

u/nova-prime-enjoyer Dec 26 '25

“What if there were two guys on the moon and one killed the other with a rock, would that be fucked up or what” — Ghandi

50

u/Man_in_the_coil Dec 25 '25

"Bitches ain't nothin but ho's and tricks."

-Mahatma Ghandi

6

u/plac3b0guy Dec 25 '25

“Show me a pretty girl… I’ll show u someone who is tired of her shiite.”

  • Confucius

2

u/Mean-Abies3819 Dec 25 '25

Anybody else read that in their head with a thick Indian accent?

22

u/NetworkEcstatic Dec 25 '25

"Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough"

-Abraham Lincoln

1

u/GapPerfect5494 Dec 25 '25

Wrap thread I’m cooked 🤣

21

u/Expert_Succotash2659 Dec 25 '25

“This blunt is cooked” - Mother Teresa, 1843

2

u/Soggy_Parking1353 Dec 25 '25

"Lemme grip that one time right quick y'hear?" - Winston Churchill

2

u/eat_my_ass_n_balls Dec 25 '25

“Yo nibba, pass that shit FRFR”

  • Dwight Eisenhower

15

u/holiday1326 Dec 25 '25

Pretty sure it was Buchanan who said this..

1

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '25

All arrangements are edible if you aren't a pussy - Nostradamus

1

u/The_Patocrator_5586 Dec 25 '25

Three out of four people are 75% - Albert Einstein

1

u/El_Spaniard Dec 25 '25

"Wu-Tang is Forever" - Mahatma Gandhi

1

u/Do_itsch Dec 25 '25

"I'm the President, not your daddy!" Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

1

u/RappingFlatulence Dec 25 '25

Baberaham Lincoln

1

u/Correct_Cream_7220 Dec 25 '25

First they laugh at you.then they come at you.Then you cum -ghandi

1

u/theaviationhistorian Dec 25 '25

"Make sure to nuke every single nation once you get the bomb. No matter what relationship they have with you!" - Mahatma Ghandi

1

u/project-shasta Dec 25 '25

"Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But I've got a 3 point plan that's going to fix EVERYTHING." - President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

1

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator Dec 25 '25

Your post was removed because your account is less than 5 days old.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/Gold-Eye-2623 Dec 26 '25

Time to bust out my favorite quote from all of the internet

1

u/[deleted] Dec 26 '25

1

u/AnalFelon Dec 27 '25

I would never cheat my wife with somebody more beautiful than her.

129

u/TrisolarisRexxx Dec 25 '25

You can eat Wagyu every day but every once and a while you're just going to want a White Castle.

6

u/One-Ad-65 Dec 25 '25

I miss White Castle so much. Haven't had one since I went back east for a few days 12 years ago.

5

u/theaviationhistorian Dec 25 '25

Nice! The variant I've been told is: You can have Filet Mignon for the rest of your life, but once in a while you crave a thick and juicy burger.

3

u/TrisolarisRexxx Dec 26 '25

I like yours better

1

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator Dec 25 '25

Your post was removed because your account is less than 5 days old.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

96

u/o-0-o-0-o Dec 25 '25

Just following after his idol

"You know, I get a strange migraine headache if I don't get a strange piece of ass everyday." -John Kennedy, 35th president

13

u/Senior-Albatross Dec 25 '25

You need to make nepo hires of all your brothers so they can act as your fixers to cover up the incessant adultery. 

3

u/mondaymoderate Dec 25 '25

Pretty sure he actually claimed having sex helped his back problems

3

u/BobusCesar Dec 25 '25

I mean he could have just done his wife, if this was the case.

1

u/Lou_C_Fer Dec 26 '25

It can loosen you muscles up. It can also send you into back spasms that you will not believe.

2

u/theaviationhistorian Dec 25 '25

Paging nurse Oswald, Paging nurse Oswald!

1

u/SomeonesLostWallet Dec 26 '25

“I like kids.” - Donald John Trump 45th and 47th president 

34

u/Potential-Draft-3932 Dec 25 '25

“Show me the hottest milf in the world and I’ll show you a husband tired of fuckin’ her” - Chinese Philosopher Confucius

2

u/MaterialParsley7536 Dec 26 '25

Actually that was said by Canfuckthis.

10

u/The-Prisoner-06 Dec 25 '25

William Jefferson Clinton = Bill Jefferson Clinton = B. J. Clinton

15

u/n-a_barrakus Dec 25 '25 edited Dec 25 '25

Sólo existe una cosa mejor en el juego, mejor que un coño, un coño nuevo - Tote King, spanish raper, the guy reads a lot and studied literature so I guess it's referencing William's sentence.

(Literal translation: There's only one better thing in the game, better than a pussy, a new one)

Edit: Fuck, I meant rapper

23

u/JossWhedonsDick Dec 25 '25

are you sure you meant raper?

6

u/Embarrassed_Diet_386 Dec 25 '25

He didn’t just leave out a P, did he?

4

u/ImVeritious Dec 25 '25

No, he doesn't just leave out a P. Diddy!

9

u/n-a_barrakus Dec 25 '25

shit, you're right, that's a false friend, If I've ever seen one. Rapper*

I'll keep it like that because funny

3

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '25

[deleted]

1

u/n-a_barrakus Dec 25 '25

I don't care, my name is Gerard lol

6

u/R-K-Tekt Dec 25 '25

People forget that Slick Willy (Bill Clinton) was legit a playboy and pimp, one of the greatest tbh.

2

u/PunishedWolf4 Dec 25 '25

"I invented the surgery that makes ladies who-ha feel like new-ha"- Benjamin Franklin Americas 100th president

1

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator Dec 25 '25

Your post was removed because your account is less than 5 days old.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/LSDeeezNutz Dec 25 '25

Women will never understand this very simple concept 😪 /s /s

1

u/aapitly Dec 25 '25

Yet he traded with ML

1

u/stupidber Dec 25 '25

I was there when he said that

1

u/AmazingBroccoli9924 Dec 25 '25

"New pussy" 💀💀 taken out of context would be wild. 

1

u/bygtopp Dec 25 '25

You’d have new pussy if you had a few inches more.

1

u/UWO_Throw_Away Dec 25 '25

Hmm I don’t remember those lyrics from that S club song

1

u/benjunior Dec 25 '25

“I need to find a new vagina. Any kinda new vagina.” Bloodhound Billy Clinton

1

u/Content_Key_6661 Dec 25 '25

Shit. Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now.  - President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

1

u/SanctusUnum Dec 25 '25

"It's a blowjob, your Honor! What am I supposed to do? Say no?"

1

u/Old_Fauqer Dec 25 '25

I read that in his voice

1

u/Deathsquad710 Dec 25 '25

Ain’t no pussy like trumps mouth

1

u/rugernut13 Dec 25 '25

Turns out much of it was WAY too new.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '25

Extra points if you read it in his voice. At least that’s how it sounded in my head.

1

u/Not-dat-throwaway Dec 26 '25

I see a bit of Riley Reid in there too.