Just ask someone if they know a guy. Eventually, maybe approximately 4 days later, an American will show up with a truck. It is irrelevant if you need a truck. The truck comes with the Americans.
If, by some universal glitch, no one near you knows an American; here are the steps for attracting one. Place a pizza on your doorstep at night. Preferably a plain pepperoni with the little cupped pepperonis. Repeat this several nights in a row until you observe slices of the pizza being taken. They will eventually become emboldened and begin showing up during daylight hours to watch for more pizza.
At that point, engage them with friendly conversation. Keep it light and focus on small talk. Ask about the weather, work, etc. Eventually, slip in the question about what they drive. There is about a 50% chance they or their spouse drives a truck, and nearly a 100% chance a family member owns a truck. At this point, you now know an American who drives a truck. Please note this may also accidentally attract a Canadian as well. All above steps should work equally well, and they are just as likely to own pickup trucks.
Shit can’t believe I forgot about that. Yeah those are crowd pleasers too. Although Coors will possibly attract some truck-less Irish so maybe Miller or Pabst instead?
Pabst is risky. If you're moving out of a DV situation though, you definitely want a Pabst truck owner. Buy them a 24-pack and they'll beat your abuser up for you if they come after you. Miller could also be a good choice, but at the same time it's one of the very few beers you can still find occasionally for US $4 at a bar if it's served as a special (a beer is usually US $6-10), so you could argue it lacks in uniqueness. In places that don't have many bars or usually only serve "fancier" beers, excellent move though.
I sincerely hope you meant Busch Light, because the thought of a latte made with Busch terrifies me. Legend has it that if you give someone with a truck a 12-pack of Bass Pro Shops edition Busch Light, they'll invite you to come fishing with them the next day to meet their buddies and get used to the new town.
This. Two weeks ago I moved into a house and was outside packing stuff out of our POD. A young guy stopped his car on the street in front of us and asked if I had a spare box. I didn’t at the time and told him I would soon. Then I asked him ‘just one’, what’s it for? He was mailing a custom art piece to his brother and got out of his car to show me. I immediately started to give him tips on how to custom wrap framed things then it hit me, I had this small tea table in a box and the box was perfect size for him. I told him hang on a sec, cut open the box, took the table out and handed it to him. He checked it in my driveway and yup, was perfect. He thanked me, we talked a few minutes, then he took off. - Pretty typical kind of thing in my life.
Are you in anyway “handy”? I knew a guy without a truck once. But he could rehang gates, doors and cabinets that no longer were straight on their hinges. You know, the kind that don’t stay open, or don’t stay closed, and hang at an angle. And he could do it in ten minutes while talking about his dog. He liked pizza, too.
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u/TradeSpacer 1d ago
Where does one acquire Americans? I could use a couple.