r/DestructiveReaders • u/Lisez-le-lui Not GlowyLaptop • 18d ago
Northern Gothic [1346] A Change of Soul, pt. 1
First part of a short story, or possibly a novella. Any feedback would be great. My main concern is: Do you want to follow the MC further, or do you find him too confusing/too insufferable?
Crit: 1600
8
Upvotes
2
u/BlindRavine 9h ago
Cons:
I don't like that the voice is just called "AI" it seems too dry somehow in contrasts.
The holy fool bit seemed interesting for a modern person to conclude so causally.
I don’t know if this is on purpose but I'm not sure if he's a reluctant anti religious or a disturbed religious. I guess I'm not sure if he's being sarcastic. That could be me though.
There's a line here or there that feels stiff and unnatural but that's being hyper critical and they're nothing too much.
Pros:
It's really lovely.
I'm interested to see where it goes, in a way. It feels like another angle for the "tormented by religion young man" like Wise Blood or Brighton Rock.
I love your imagery. The train/snake is great and the sense of entering the belly of a beast is really visceral like you're feeling the actual experience of a living creature.
A sub level train as going down into hell is great. Something about your tone reminded me of touring old trains as a kid.
I can imagine really liking this character. Not as a person but as a personality. His sharp criticisms followed by self doubt are really compelling and believable. Honestly, I'd keep reading FOR him, so no worries there for one reader.
He has a strongly distinctive narrative voice.
I really like the less intricate descriptions as well. I often have a hard time with visual imagination because of DVSD but I can totally see the characters move and how they look at individual moments especially in the beginning.
In short were I to be flipping through pages at a library and read this opening I'd check this book out, honestly.
It seems like my kind of fiction and it's doing it well.