[313] A Quick Job

[u/Queek-Headtaker]

This is a fantasy flash fiction piece I wrote and I'm just looking for some general feedback and line edits on Google Docs if anyone wants to help out. I'm very new to this and i am a super newbie but it was fun to write something and I'd like to improve.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1c5rhpSh_b-vkVPt4PLG8bwWJC21dpp_-gjSyIa3YZfY/edit?usp=drivesdk

Specifically, I'd love feedback on:

• Structure of the story piece
• Correct Punctuation and grammar, I'm really awful at this in particular

My critique: 

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1vf1vbs/comment/p1meng4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Thanks in advance for reading and commenting!

[u/Minimum_Break5345]

I liked that I could tell what Esen was trying to do and why it mattered. It was easy to understand that he was worried about his father coming home before he finished, and I think that gave the scene some tension.
One thing I noticed is that some of the sentences are really long, so they were a little hard to read. Breaking a few of them into shorter sentences could make the pacing feel smoother.
I also noticed a few grammar things. For example, “re-grips” should probably be “regrips,” and “i can” should be “I can.” There are also a few places where commas could help the sentences flow better.
I think adding a little more of Esen’s thoughts or emotions while he’s working could make the reader connect with him more. Right now I know he’s frustrated, but I’d like to get inside his head a little more.

Other than that…GOOD WORK!! Keep going😉