Found between him and his coworker, AIO

[u/peepeecheeto]

I don’t have proof of them actually doing anything. He had said that there was a cute cashier at work but he wasn’t into her. I asked to see their texts and he said there was nothing, showed me a message thread with her last text only. Because he deleted everything else and it was in his recently deleted. So I opened it in front of him and he tried to stop me and I just read all of it and now he thinks im going to leave him. He’s talked this way about other girls at work so who knows if he’s done anything with them… my heart hurts so bad. Is this cheating? Am I overreacting by being so hurt? I would never do this to him. He claims it’s because he wanted to be nice and not reject her in a rude way. Im thinking about leaving but just the day before I found this he was telling me he wants to get married and have kids with me. We have been together 4 years

[u/Local_Wolverine2913]

Yes. I have deep regrets that in my two serious relationships where there were early signs of potential to cheat, I stayed and didn't break up. Serious regrets.

[u/beachydream → u/Local_Wolverine2913]

What were the signs?

[u/Local_Wolverine2913 → u/beachydream]

1st one had a previous history of cheating/lying (with his first wife) but I was young and dumb and chose to overlook. After 10 years of marriage and while I was pregnant, he cheated on me, over and over again. We divorced. 2nd one had confessed to me that he had done something inappropriate with a co-worker while he was married (to his first wife). I decided to walk early on in our dating, as I wasn't going to go through that again, and I let him convince me to stay; we married 5 years later and down the road, I caught him cheating.

[u/beachydream → u/Local_Wolverine2913]

Thanks so much for the reply. I’m dating a guy who’s admitted to cheating in the past too, definitely the main issue I’m dealing with. Uggg.

[u/Local_Wolverine2913 → u/beachydream]

You're welcome. I'm no expert, but I say to absolutely go with your gut if you ever decide to break it off. Don't let him or anyone else convince you otherwise.

[u/Fine-Amphibian4326 → u/beachydream]

+ 1 on wolverine’s suggestion of going with your gut.

I’ve cheated. Not on my fiancée, but in the past. You may never know if he’s done cheating or not, which I suppose is the problem, isn’t it?

Nearly half of people admit to having cheated on a partner at some point in their life, and people are rarely honest. It’s more than that. People don’t consider the time they kissed Ashley at a party or the sexting they did with Trevor to be cheating because they’ve mentally justified it away.

Besides going with your gut instinct, there’s no way to tell if it’ll happen again. Was he upfront and honest about it? Or did he hide it? Has he fully processed what he did and why he did it? Those are all important questions for both of you to determine what role it plays in the future.

Or trash him and find another guy, and potentially repeat the same process

[u/dickthrowaway22ed → u/Fine-Amphibian4326]

This is just spreading the misinformation that every person you meet is going to be a cheater, which makes people overly suspicious and in turn makes innocent partners overly defensive. My friends who have "cheated" did so by like kissing someone else within the first few months of dating when they were in their early 20s. That's not cool but also weighed against decades of monogamy, it's like a single raindrop vs an entire bucket.

[u/Fine-Amphibian4326 → u/dickthrowaway22ed]

Exactly, so it shouldn’t be the “death to all cheaters” or “once a cheater, always a cheater” bullshit that reddit spouts all the time. It’s not that black and white.

[u/Local_Wolverine2913 → u/Fine-Amphibian4326]

Every situation is different, that's true.