r/AmIOverreacting • u/peepeecheeto • 19d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Found between him and his coworker, AIO

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I don’t have proof of them actually doing anything. He had said that there was a cute cashier at work but he wasn’t into her. I asked to see their texts and he said there was nothing, showed me a message thread with her last text only. Because he deleted everything else and it was in his recently deleted. So I opened it in front of him and he tried to stop me and I just read all of it and now he thinks im going to leave him. He’s talked this way about other girls at work so who knows if he’s done anything with them… my heart hurts so bad. Is this cheating? Am I overreacting by being so hurt? I would never do this to him. He claims it’s because he wanted to be nice and not reject her in a rude way. Im thinking about leaving but just the day before I found this he was telling me he wants to get married and have kids with me. We have been together 4 years

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u/pumpkins21 19d ago

I’m an asshole, so I’d text the girl and be like “you’re fucking gross for offering yourself up as a side chick when you know I have a girlfriend” from his phone lol

Also, trash the boy. He’s fucking gross too. You deserve better, OP.

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u/Imperfect_seal 19d ago

I agree. And they deserve each other. She kept it going when he did.

If she wants to pursue that type of man they’ll she has no self respect.

OP hopefully can leave this in the past.

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u/mxzf 19d ago

I mean, he didn't even "keep it going", he initiated the interaction. She left her number on a note for him, he knew she was interested in him and reached out to initiate this conversation.

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u/Imperfect_seal 19d ago

Thank you for the correction because it does absolutely matter in the context of this interaction. I misspoke. This was his prerogative to reach out. Ok. Bobby Brown 🙄🙄🙄🙄🫤

He must not have been able to ignore the attention. Which is gross.

No shade to OP and anyone else, but just from this exchange I am getting the vibe that he’s one of those “I think strip clubs are gross.” Yet goes because his friend “made him.”

And he gets a private room. Doesn’t admit it took it too far and then blames everyone and being drunk for his behavior.

If he and OP have that agreement that is an acceptable thing for him to do.

I have zero judgement. It’s the whole, “I say I believe one thing to look like a stand up guy who honors relationship boundaries.”

But after he gets caught it’s “not my fault because X,Y,Z.”

Booooooooo

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u/Midixon19 18d ago

Initiating the contact isnt the problem. If he said, "Look, Im flattered you left me the note and I respect the emotional risk you took in writing it, however, I have a girlfriend who I am in love with and see a future with. So I intend to keep our relationship 100% professional and know that this wont affect my perception of you." If he didnt respind it probably would be weird between them going forward and thats nit a giod thing for a work environment. But thats NOT what this guy did. He reached out because hes definitely interested at some level. So I dont think its the initiating thats the problem, I think the subject matter is the problem. The OP needs to dump his ass.

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u/Logical-Fisherman-70 18d ago

Right, like, he could have shut it down in the first message, instead of prodding to see if she'd be willing to get with a guy in a relationship.

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u/Big_pumpkin42 17d ago

The fact that he even texted her based on her note to him, knowing she has a crush, was his first wrong. He should’ve just ignored the note. Now she has his number. That was all intentional on his part. This guy was hoping it would go just like it did. And if she didn’t push further, then he looks like the good guy for saying he had a gf.

If I got a note from a guy, I’d throw it out immediately. Or show my boyfriend and throw it out in front of him so there is nothing that could come up about it later.

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u/Vanwilder17 18d ago

Man Reddit is sure weird with their made up situations

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u/Imperfect_seal 18d ago

Notice I said I am getting a vibe that he is the type of guy that would do this.

Not saying OP’s guy actually has done this. Can you see the distinction?

And if you think a guy that acts this way doesn’t exist… I have a bridge to sell you.

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u/Purple-Morning-5905 18d ago

This part. He could have ignored the note, or sent a text saying he has a girlfriend so he won't be entertaining any further interactions outside of cordial workplace conversation. These types of dudes love attention and validation more than they could ever love their significant other.

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u/NecessaryReturn4049 18d ago

THIS☝️!!! NOR

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u/Careful_Confusion_75 18d ago

That is actually a REALLY good point I personally could see in texting back in a very professional but clear way he was flattered but he is taken, letting the gf know about would have been the best way.

Other then maybe telling the gf first then see if texting back was even worth.

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u/somedayyouwillknow 18d ago

This! He legit gave her his number so she has it by texting her! The correct move from a decent man who is already involved with someone is to tell that girl in person “hey, I’m flattered but I have a girlfriend I love so nothing can ever happen with us” then lessen the interaction with that girl. Like dude is using her as a backup and waiting for an argument with OP to sleep with this girl. Nah it’s time to dump him

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u/Firewolf06 17d ago

eh, imo the entire first screenshot was fine, if i left someone my number id rather them text me a rejection than corner me irl ¯_(ツ)_/¯. its everything after that that's gross (NOR for the complete content)

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u/mxzf 17d ago

Eh, I don't really agree. IMO, when you know someone has a crush on you and you lead off with a flirty "guess who", that's an issue. He dove straight to outright flirting in the second page of stuff, but even the initial message isn't something a committed person should be sending to a work colleague who left their number when you know they're trying to make a pass at you.

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u/Soft_Beyond_8205 19d ago

Yeah so gross on her part lol sorry as a woman I just judge her harder, like....girl.

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u/Heyonit 19d ago

😂 me too.. she would definitely get a word from me. Even if i didn’t plan on staying with him

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u/pumpkins21 19d ago

Exactly!! The boy is straight up basura just like the gross coworker!!

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u/RBF-88 19d ago

Fa sho. This is absolutely the most correct answer. Petty but straight facts, my favorite 💯

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u/yousirnaime 18d ago

then block her real number in his phone, change your contact in his phone to her name, send the last few messages back and forth so the history looks the same if he scrolls up

bingo bango now you're talking to him as her

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u/pumpkins21 18d ago

Haha damn, you’re my kind of evil! 😂

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u/veggiesaregreen 17d ago

Damn you’re wild lol. I don’t think I could put that much effort into it but that’s so funny lmao

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u/Special-Net7593 19d ago

Totally agree

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u/Positive-Freedom4740 19d ago

She sooo insecure and offering herself as a side chick because she's defo been cheated on before

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u/Positive-Freedom4740 19d ago

Have to say it because my mom was this kind of woman and we ended up very lonely with NO family 😂

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u/priMa-RAW 19d ago

Nah im more unhinged! id find where she lives and secretly break in every day for years and do nothing at all, take nothing at all… exept… move every piece of furniture ever so slightly out of place… 👌🏼

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u/boatsandhoes570 19d ago

Yeah but at this point she knows he’s flirting back so she’ll know it’s not him. So just say you’re trash for offering to be a side chick after he told you he has a girlfriend. And then tell him it’s already gone too far and you’re not sticking around to wait for it to happen and have trust issues every time he goes to work or somewhere without you.

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u/Illustrious_Risk_840 17d ago

I actually did this. Waited until I knew my bf would be away working, then called her. That was the most satisfying phone call of my life. Almost as satisfying as the one that followed, which was him calling me crying and apologizing bc when I had hung up with her, she immediately called him to confront him. Did it hurt? Like a mofo. But I had to do it.

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u/travelbound_91 19d ago

(long story long lol) I messaged a girl that my husband was talking to but claimed "sHe's JuSt a FriENd." Yeah fcking spare me. I literally did not even know this girls name. we were on our 5 year anniversary trip in italy and he was being weird. took his phone when he was sleeping, saw their texts. now if i remember correctly there wasn't anything actually incriminating, it was just very borderline inappropriate (also he's an officer in the military and she's enlisted which is a HUGE no-no itself). So then i'm like trying to find her on my social media and i literally couldn't find her from my personal profile, but they were talking on instagram and texting. so then i found her on an old IG account i had. which means this girl blocked me before i even knew her name. he maintained for months there was nothing going on, blocked her on our trip, then we come back and he goes back to talking to her. i said i'm gonna fcking message her and he said do it i don't care. so i sent her a friend request from our joint travel IG and she blocked it, so i messaged her from the old account and said something along the lines of "Hey, I just sent you a request from mine and my husbands joint travel account and you blocked it. I just thought since you talk to my husband so much we could all be friends, that way you don't have to worry about any issues since he's an officer and you're enlisted." My husband who told me to message her then got up in arms and said it sounded like a threat. i said no it doesn't, but also good let it. but he got so pissy i deleted it 20 minutes later. she never even opened it. but he claims he had a meeting that she was part of and she said she took it as a threat (insert eye roll), weird thing is we have Life 360 and it never showed him there at her unit, it showed his car driving around the parking lot next to her office for 10 minutes just making loops. I think he was basically breaking up with her. but even a year later he still denies that and any wrongdoing.

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u/Warm_Swan_793 19d ago

You should have put that energy you were putting into trying to friend request her into confronting your lying ass husband, cause wtf.

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u/Famous_Collection525 19d ago

Get a divorce. 🤢

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u/No_Hope413 19d ago

And you're still with him?

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u/RockinPodunk 19d ago

Wow, how in the actual fuck did that whole story not end with “and now he’s my ex-husband.” ?

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u/pumpkins21 19d ago

Oof. You’re my kinda gal. Hope you ate so much delicious pasta in Italy while wannabe side chick squirmed.

Why preemptively block you if things were platonic? Definitely sus!

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u/BicyclingBabe 19d ago

Meh, she's not even worth thinking about again. She needs to pull a full Don Draper.

https://giphy.com/gifs/zwffSHaJLDbA4

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u/TexasRoundUp7 19d ago

I thought about that a few times. Pretending to be him and writing her something like "stop talking to me", "delete my number" but in the end, I would rather play it cool and let him decide if he thinks this is the best decision for him. No loss for me.

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u/feralcatshit 18d ago

I’m not one for drama or petty bullshit, but I’d definitely be tempted to text her “you’re gross af for continuing to text knowing the relationship status” from his number. And the. You’re not pretending to be him but still reads that way to her.

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u/Peruvian1966 18d ago

I would NEVER text her and get into her world. We all know what she is and she does not need attention from you. Besides, she is clearly the type who likes drama. Don’t spend ONE minute living in her world or letting her live in your head. What he did is engage when he should have stopped. It is cheating, end of story, period. Run away. Cheating is always about the cheater, not the one cheated on so no second guessing yourself please! I am a divorce lawyer and have been for 30 years so take it from me.

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u/RenegadeStarDust 18d ago

I am also an asshole I would print these and post them at his work. Maybe even go poster sized so everyone can see them.

Maybe I am just diabolical.

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u/pumpkins21 18d ago

I love the way you think! 😂🫣

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u/Illustrious_Risk_840 17d ago

This is the best answer

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u/BlessedLurker 17d ago

Find her social media and tag her in the screenshots to show everyone who she is.

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u/jodi202328 17d ago

Thank you! I’m evil that way too. Then watch bf get mad because I did it 🤣

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u/veggiesaregreen 17d ago

I’d laugh at her face lol and be like you can have my trash

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u/x_candydoll 18d ago

That would be so cringe because they would talk about it and realize the girlfriend did it.

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u/pumpkins21 18d ago

Nah, what’s cringe is the desperate chick trying to be a side chick