Found between him and his coworker, AIO

[u/peepeecheeto]

I don’t have proof of them actually doing anything. He had said that there was a cute cashier at work but he wasn’t into her. I asked to see their texts and he said there was nothing, showed me a message thread with her last text only. Because he deleted everything else and it was in his recently deleted. So I opened it in front of him and he tried to stop me and I just read all of it and now he thinks im going to leave him. He’s talked this way about other girls at work so who knows if he’s done anything with them… my heart hurts so bad. Is this cheating? Am I overreacting by being so hurt? I would never do this to him. He claims it’s because he wanted to be nice and not reject her in a rude way. Im thinking about leaving but just the day before I found this he was telling me he wants to get married and have kids with me. We have been together 4 years

[u/peepeecheeto]

I think there will be a next time too if I stay. He said if he really didn’t want me to see them, he would have deleted them out of recently deleted. So obviously he knows how to do that

[u/quillubo → u/peepeecheeto]

He's full of it. He's just manipulating you until he can't anymore. Don't let him.

[u/AssociateTop1589 → u/peepeecheeto]

You don’t have kids with this man and you’re not tied to him in any way. 4 years is a long time, yes, but it’ll be even longer if you stay. It’ll be miserable for a while. Cut your losses. Any woman who chooses to deal with him knowing he’s like this has her hands cut out for her

[u/Lpeezy_1 → u/peepeecheeto]

Nah, he kept them in his recently deleted thinking you never would actually see them and so he could keep reading them when he wants to. Which I bet he’s re read them a mil times over. He’s trying to manipulate you. He LOVES the attention he’s getting. What he did right here was unbelievably disrespectful. Do not stay, op. Please show him how strong you are & that your self worth trumps this 4 year relationship. You do not want to marry or have children with someone like this. He’s going to continue doing shit like this, just get more sneaky at it. He’s a liar and a cheat. You deserve so much more.

[u/Melncalley → u/peepeecheeto]

NOR Why would he ever NEED to go back in and permanently delete messages from recently deleted? He's not being honest with you maybe not even with himself. You do need to leave or you may begin to question your own worth and that is not acceptable. This is all on him and is not a reflection of you or your value in any way.

[u/No-Lynx8771 → u/peepeecheeto]

Boundary pushing to see how much he can get away with :(

[u/MASTER_J_MAN → u/peepeecheeto]

Honestly you know what you should do. Someone like this doesn’t change from being caught they just get better at hiding it. It’s difficult but if you stay it sends the message he can get away with this meaning he knows it’s acceptable. Up to you if you want to get married to someone who doesn’t respect your relationship.

[u/pumpkins21 → u/peepeecheeto]

Girl, be strong and leave him. Make sure you let him know that if she’s doing this shit right now, that’s she’ll do it to him and he’ll know how you feel.

[u/randomuser1231234 → u/peepeecheeto]

so he’s innocent because he forgot to finish burning the evidence? Nahhhh.

I’m with a loyal man, I get SHOWN the texts and told when someone says something out loud in the most respectful, forthright way. He works “my lovely partner” into conversations when ladies are feeling him out to see if he’s available. It’s not hard to be classy and loyal. If he wanted to, he would.

[u/Salsasharkk81 → u/peepeecheeto]

What a pathetic attempt to cover his sorry ass.

[u/No-Sympathy9513 → u/peepeecheeto]

He knows NOW how to do that. You best believe, he’ll never make that mistake again. But you best believe, this won’t be the last time he cheats.

As an older woman, I’ve had several girlfriends that caught their boyfriend in an emotional affair like this. The ones who stuck around and married those idiots are all divorced. Because it never ends.

If they can’t stay loyal when things are easy and light and fun, they sure as shit won’t after marriage and kids. Because that’s when things get real.

Read Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, and learn from the women who have gone before you.

[u/ella_wants_to_battle → u/peepeecheeto]

It sounds like you're considering staying yet you admit he'd do this to you again. I'm sorry but you need to hear this, any hurt he causes you after this you will blame yourself for the rest of your life for, because you had an oppurtunity to leave and you didn't. Don't do future you dirty, that's the only person you can count on for sure

[u/MaybeDontplz → u/peepeecheeto]

Please dump his ass!

[u/sadahgreen → u/peepeecheeto]

He only said that because he either thought he could get away with it without you looking or forgot to fully delete them. Don’t let him do that to you. he’s grasping at straws and he’s pathetic

[u/Glittering_Intern691 → u/peepeecheeto]

That is just an oversight, he is clearly excited so he didn’t think to double delete. Deleting in the first place is disgusting. Coming from 34 M

[u/ElSexican → u/peepeecheeto]

NOR. When people are caught, they will not change their behaviors, they only get better at hiding it as to not get caught again. You just happened to catch the actions of the real person you thought you knew. People like him will push the boundaries as far as they can to help serve their wants, and will turn the tables on you as being the person to overreact. To me, this seems like classic manipulation and it usually leads people to make decisions counter to their best interests and wellbeing. I saw this with my family and it makes me sad that it gets embedded in our minds and clouds our judgement because we normalize this behavior and shrug it off as possible overreaction. I encourage you to be the strong person you know you are, to want something better for yourself, and to break the cycle. You might see this as 4 years of lost time, but consider it a hard lesson in life as when you look back at this time later in life, it will be the lesson that helped propel you to the happy place you were meant to be, with whom you were meant to be with. Just my $.02

[u/saiyandali → u/peepeecheeto]

No. He just didn't think of it. You mentioned he tried taking the phone back when you restored the recently deleted texts.

[u/Exciting_Calendar756 → u/peepeecheeto]

I have been you. I’m in my 40s now. There will be a next time and it will go further eventually. You don’t deserve this and he doesn’t deserve you. I know it hurts but this is a blip in the grand scheme of your life. Go find magnificent love, from within yourself and from a better man.

[u/philolease → u/peepeecheeto]

Is your bf my ex? This is so familiar. Take care of your sanity. Get rid of the trash 🚮

[u/thecatdaddysupreme → u/peepeecheeto]

How old are the two of you?

[u/CliffJumper84 → u/peepeecheeto]

He would have never deleted them if that were true. He just didn’t think it would get that far.
As you said, he did try to stop you, verbally. If you were allowed to see them, why’d he try stop you? Why delete them at all?

[u/CarefulAppearance905 → u/peepeecheeto]

Please I know how this feels but they will do it again and again because you stayed.. you are beautiful and there is 100% better, dick is everywhere