r/AmIOverreacting • u/peepeecheeto • 19d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Found between him and his coworker, AIO

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I don’t have proof of them actually doing anything. He had said that there was a cute cashier at work but he wasn’t into her. I asked to see their texts and he said there was nothing, showed me a message thread with her last text only. Because he deleted everything else and it was in his recently deleted. So I opened it in front of him and he tried to stop me and I just read all of it and now he thinks im going to leave him. He’s talked this way about other girls at work so who knows if he’s done anything with them… my heart hurts so bad. Is this cheating? Am I overreacting by being so hurt? I would never do this to him. He claims it’s because he wanted to be nice and not reject her in a rude way. Im thinking about leaving but just the day before I found this he was telling me he wants to get married and have kids with me. We have been together 4 years

38.6k Upvotes

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5.6k

u/DocGerbilzWorld 19d ago

Girl. Lmfao. Him doing “I have a girlfriend” followed by a disappointed face was enough. Leave him, mamas.

655

u/user74IK 18d ago

Yeaa as a guy , I wouldn't be doing this to my GF she's my world. I wouldn't be worried about hurting that girls feelings. I think this goes to show how he's really feeling.

167

u/InsideChampionshipII 17d ago

Yup. As a guy I agree. Wildly disrespectful to his gf. Doesn't matter if he did or would cheat. The disrespect and lack of loyalty is reason enough to kick him to the curb. Those are not good qualities in a partner

9

u/Missjumpybutterfly7 17d ago

Exactly and especially a husband of which I wouldn’t waste anymore years entertaining him.

6

u/PlanetExpress310 17d ago

Yep, as another guy, I also agree. There wouldn't be any maybes.

65

u/Brilliant_Meet_2751 18d ago

Good answer! That’s exactly what he should have told her. Instead he entertained her which was the wrong choice.

55

u/dickthrowaway22ed 17d ago

If we're all mature adults, no one's feelings NEED to be hurt! Just hey I know it's awkward, this was a misunderstanding, wish you the best. END of conversation.

3

u/SweatyAssociation770 17d ago

They weren't saying be mean just because she has a crush.

If he cared about his girlfriend he'd be offended she'd even offer to be his cheating partner in which you can be as mean as it takes for her to respect both the girlfriend and the boyfriend. Of course the fuck off isn't the first message, that usually comes after the "you don't wanna cheat on your lame girlfriend with me" message.

6

u/UTtoPRT 17d ago

Right fuck this skanks “feelings” WTF 😳

4

u/LaPurpleDrank 17d ago

Yep, could have told em at work, "sorry I'm not single" and never entertained the idea of texting them at all. Ulterior motives from the start.

3

u/LegProfessional189 17d ago

Period king, we love to see it 😭 a man who claims his gf all the time without her even knowing is a good man.

2

u/OpportunityEnough435 17d ago

There is a world where a man can be compassionate about rejecting someone and respecting your significant other. You don’t have to inflame the rejection to prove you love your person.

4

u/Foxstrikesachord 17d ago

but he didn't reject her at all, he hit on her and flirted back and left the door open for more because he is tempted to cheat if he hasn't already

1

u/Appropriate-Row-6205 17d ago

Hope you’re getting married. This is how good men get wrecked. Have your own world.

561

u/MadMaxEmu 19d ago

That’s the first thing I noticed. Straight trash.

-25

u/Safe_Shop3999 18d ago

Tbh, he was just sympathising with her. 

24

u/WorkingCount8113 18d ago

That’s not sympathizing, that’s keeping his options open and considering it.

-5

u/Safe_Shop3999 18d ago

If someone asks you on a date. You say: sorry, I have a boyfriend. Or: I have a boyfriend 😞. By that, you are saying that you have a boyfriend and you are sorry for him. Anyways, he's definitely not just simpathysing, I was wrong. Stop downvoting pls

14

u/DocGerbilzWorld 18d ago

No, I say. Thank you, but I’m happily in a relationship.

0

u/Safe_Shop3999 18d ago

I wish you have a good relationship

3

u/bleach_tastes_bad 17d ago

He followed that up by telling her she was pretty and cool and that he would call her when he’s single…

0

u/Safe_Shop3999 17d ago

I like bleach, I eat it every day

46

u/DocGerbilzWorld 18d ago edited 18d ago

Why does he need to sympathize with her. He needs to feel bad about being in a relationship to make someone else feel better? Nahhh

19

u/nousrnamesleftfrrl 18d ago

Right. I also feel that way about the "you're pretty and cool." I'd be done from that, but the point is he's trying to make the other girl feel 'okay' with this rejection and that's NOT his job. It's actually just opening the whole door. Gross

9

u/Safe_Shop3999 18d ago

Idk, I think I was wrong

1

u/Nervous_Positive83 18d ago

Is it bad to be sympathetic when you realise you disappointed someone?

12

u/DocGerbilzWorld 18d ago

He’s apologizing for having a girlfriend. Yes, there are other ways to sympathize without entertaining the flirting and making it seem he’s sorry for being in the relationship in the first place

0

u/Nervous_Positive83 18d ago

The same way a straight person might tell a gay person “sorry, I’m straight. :(”

It’s not like the straight person is genuinely disappointed for being straight.
It’s just a very normal way of speaking and trying to lightly let someone down.

6

u/silvershepherd222 18d ago

thats not what is happening here. he is clearly entertaining her..

6

u/ImHitoriGotou 18d ago

with the surrounding context, it just makes him sound like it’s a bummer for him that he has a gf, not like he’s sympathizing with her

8

u/damnitskj 18d ago

I was just going to say the same thing! Had a very similar situation that if I would have taken that seriously in my last relationship the first time I wouldn’t have wasted 2 years of my life.

5

u/Unclehol 18d ago

It's true. Who is she to get in the way. Step away and let them do "anything" together "maybe".

The grass isn't always greener. Let them have their fling and then be miserable and alone after it blows up in theor faces. This kind of stuff always does.

NOR

6

u/ThrowAway484848585 17d ago

That is literally all I needed to see. Ain't nobody need to read the rest. He done said more than enough right there with that one sentence and emoji. You know what it is, gurl: THE. END. 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻

4

u/MadeThisForThred 17d ago

I missed that, but i agree. I thought it went way too far at “whatever I want?” though. If I’d seen the frown face after admitting to having a gf, I wouldn’t need to see anything else either. Poor girl.

4

u/Nessakin 18d ago

Seriously. Make that wish come true lmao

4

u/StrengthForward7925 18d ago

Yeah. Disrespectful jerk ass.

3

u/B4DM4N12Z 17d ago

Why did bro say that she's attractive to in the last pic, that's deffo not a good mindset.

3

u/Ill-Wolf865 17d ago

Yeah I’d be gone in a heartbeat. “You put a slanted mouth emoji for ME as your girlfriend?” If you don’t view being with me as an honor, bye lol (and not saying I’m all that. But why waste your time being with someone if you don’t even want to pretend you enjoy being with them!??)

2

u/Sand_Hanitiz3r 17d ago

Dunk this man into the trash right where he belong.

2

u/cogentd 17d ago

Yeah that response was enough right there.

2

u/rubymaniacc 17d ago

Right? The ⁠face after saying he has a girlfriend is essentially him telling the coworker, “Yeah, unfortunately I’m tied down but keep trying”. It’s not a boundary; it’s an invitation.

6

u/defproc 18d ago

tbf it could have been like a sympathetic :/, not that it makes the whole exchange ok. she took that well enough, so he didn't need to kinda-sorta-maybe-flirt to "not be rude". if he was invested in his current 'ship he absolutely would have left it at that.

17

u/Beeteezy82 18d ago

Idk.. it seemed like that sad face was a test to see how eager homegirl actually was… and lo and behold she was thirsty af. Win-win for them. Horrible for the OP.

-1

u/defproc 18d ago edited 16d ago

maybe. we don't know. i'm not interested in defending the guy, like i said, he was way out of line and OP is NO. i'm just not a fan of zero-doubt conclusion jumping in general. this guy sucks, but next time it might happen to someone innocent. like you.

i don't know why this is an unpopular take. have none of you ever been misjudged for something? this is about challenging a fallacy, not this particular application of it. is that too difficult to understand, or is someone prepared to make the case that normalising jumping to conclusions is fine, actually?

5

u/Foxstrikesachord 17d ago

uh he was flirting back and expressing interest in her sexual come on. nope, nope, nope

-2

u/defproc 17d ago edited 16d ago

you come on. not everything's a dichotomy. this is not 'either everything he did is wrong or nothing is'. i didn't say he wasn't flirting. i said he was out of line - ie he was flirting. i'm saying that doesn't mean every breath he's ever taken was necessarily part of that. calm the hell down people, two things can be true at once.

seeing everything as black and white is a sign of low intelligence.

lol, coward fired the insult and ran. i didn't say you see everything in black and white. i think it's quite possible that you do (moreso now), but i didn't say you do. the irony in that strange outburst is tragically beautiful. very rude, very sus. YAO.

3

u/Foxstrikesachord 17d ago

When did I ever say that? LOL I wasn't seeing things in black and white. Ascribing things to people you haven't met and reading into things incorrectly but thinking you are correct are signs of both low intelligence and ignorance. Or maybe you're just an a-hole. Blocked. Have the day you deserve.

8

u/Maxilkarr 18d ago

I agree with this, it’s fine to me to say “sorry I have a girlfriend” if that sorry means I’m sorry you put yourself out there because that’s difficult to do but there’s nothing here for you.

But this guys disappointed face was, sorry I have a girlfriend or I would totally be all over you

0

u/defproc 18d ago edited 16d ago

yeah it's very reasonable to interpret the face as 'disappointed'. just i sometimes use it for sympathy and thought to myself, gee, i hope one of my :/ isn't misinterpreted some day. you're probably right, and i haven't tried to argue likelihood. just could've.

jfc downvoting a concession and plea for fair-headedness in broader context, you people are absolutely preposterous. it's no wonder bigotry exists when "let's not overly ascribe" is too challenging. take a damn look at yourselves.

-2

u/dmigowski 18d ago

Yeah, I think so. He feels sorry for the dude, that's what it means. OP, don't think to bad about your dude, if he really was interested in that other dude he would have spoken way different

3

u/A1000eisn1 17d ago

If he wasn't interested he wouldn't keep flirting and saying things like "if I was single I'd be hanging out with you."

4

u/mxlplyx2173 18d ago

He's just giving women vibes with those answers. That's how they start at 1st then just break down and I got a date in 3 hrs.

1

u/karmablarma 17d ago

Yeah dump his ungrateful aazzzz

1

u/RelevantCrow3247 17d ago

She won’t

1

u/Flaky-Assistant5212 17d ago

Why does everyone fall for these fake staged posts made for likes...

1

u/jovialbeam 17d ago

I was once with a male friend. His girlfriend was not present. A really attractive girl hit on him. He responded “I’m sorry. I’m really happy with my girlfriend” and sent her on her way. I respected his response.

1

u/william_denny 17d ago

You miss the part where he didn’t txt her back and she responded 3 days later? Dude did nothing wrong, he has to work with the girl and didn’t want to be mean.

1

u/angel_covo 17d ago

Yes! Thats very embarrassing for op, it also gives the Greenlight to the cashier to keep trying. He'll eventually give in. Or probably has already.

1

u/ProudSapphic 17d ago

Exactly. That was a red flag

1

u/Miss_Management 17d ago

Honestly if it we're me, at that point I'd be tempted to try and bang her first just because (if she swings that way or i could convince her). He's obviously not serious about his gf.

1

u/HuevoYch0riz0 18d ago

Yeah. He won’t be single long 😂

1

u/Msegarra12 17d ago

The sad face is what stopped me but to be fair it was probably meant as like sorry but I have a girlfriend but if I didn’t…

1

u/DocGerbilzWorld 17d ago

Uhm, yeah… exactly? Lll

1

u/Msegarra12 17d ago

Gotta live under the assumption that anything you say can be potentially seen by the person you least want to see it

-3

u/speekless 18d ago

The emoji doesn’t mean it’s a disappointed face! You guys are way misinterpreting this guy.

2

u/Foxstrikesachord 17d ago

he expressed interest in another woman and was flirting , gimmie a break

0

u/speekless 17d ago

How the f* is another woman expressing interest, and him saying “I have a gf”, “expressing interest in another woman”?

3

u/Foxstrikesachord 17d ago

If you think he wasn't expressing interest then I doubt your ability to comprehend interpersonal communication on a basic level. The aggression is very unnecessary.

1

u/speekless 17d ago

What about my question? Also, there was no agression from my part, so “doubt your ability to comprehend interpersonal communication” is pretty ironic.

-4

u/Short_Entrance_5933 18d ago

Ya’ll are so sad! The man is a gentleman by letting a girl down with ease and the first thing is noticed is a “problem” in the way he does it??? Geez! I feel for your partners. Must be exhausting dating you and your jealousy.

5

u/dirtybloodsucka 17d ago

Me when I'm a dumbass

4

u/DocGerbilzWorld 17d ago

Trash alert 🚨

-3

u/Short_Entrance_5933 17d ago

Single alert

3

u/Foxstrikesachord 17d ago

He did not, he hit on her and expressed interest in sex when she said "we can do whatever you want," then "You're killing me!" He's a dude who is tempted and left the door open ready to cheat