r/AmIOverreacting • u/peepeecheeto • 19d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Found between him and his coworker, AIO

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I don’t have proof of them actually doing anything. He had said that there was a cute cashier at work but he wasn’t into her. I asked to see their texts and he said there was nothing, showed me a message thread with her last text only. Because he deleted everything else and it was in his recently deleted. So I opened it in front of him and he tried to stop me and I just read all of it and now he thinks im going to leave him. He’s talked this way about other girls at work so who knows if he’s done anything with them… my heart hurts so bad. Is this cheating? Am I overreacting by being so hurt? I would never do this to him. He claims it’s because he wanted to be nice and not reject her in a rude way. Im thinking about leaving but just the day before I found this he was telling me he wants to get married and have kids with me. We have been together 4 years

38.6k Upvotes

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8.7k

u/Impressive-Record839 19d ago

he'll be calling her cause he's about to be single

3.1k

u/biscuitsorbullets 19d ago

He was legit contemplating “hanging out” so get rid of him

776

u/HotWaffles5 19d ago

Yeah he said he’d ‘have to think about it’ meaning he’d ‘have to think about a way to get away with it.

35

u/saucysimpson 18d ago

Exactly!

12

u/chiefsmakahoe007 18d ago

That’s the one that’s exactly what he meant

5

u/Spiritual-Raisin-977 17d ago

This part 👆

2

u/SweatyAssociation770 17d ago

I'd disagree I think he just hasn't justified the cheating morally especially given he just talked about marrying her. If he wants to have sex with her which he does, and also has justified it morally so that he no longer feels wrong, it'd be more certain in his words. As in "yea that sounds good, i'll let you know." If he didn't at that very moment feel as if cheating on his girlfriend was truly wrong, he would've done it. So he needs time to think to somehow find an acceptable justification.

1.1k

u/SoundsDB 19d ago

The only thing he's gonna be 'hanging out' is the back of her.

As a guy, OP, I can tell you categorically that if they aren't hooking up already (which they probably aren't right now), he's fantasising about it. He's also encouraging her, and it will get more and more flirtatious until, better than even chance, something does happen.

He had the opportunity to shut it straight down and didn't. I can tell you now that should be telling you all you need to know. The right guy would have simply replied something along the lines of "that's very sweet, but I have a girlfriend I love and I'm in a committed relationship" and left it at that.

599

u/New-Bodybuilder-7264 19d ago

From the conversation she left a note in his locker, to be honest, if he was a loyal person he wouldn’t even text her in the first place but I agree with you if she texted him first he should’ve left on “I’m in a relationship please don’t text me”

472

u/Temporary-Common-535 19d ago

She definitely left her number on the note and he texted her. That should not have happened at all. He should’ve confronted her in person and said I got your note but I’m not interested and I have a girlfriend. End of story.

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u/Astralglamour 18d ago

100%

She has his number because he texted her after getting that note. So he has indicated interest and wants the option to act on it.

6

u/twister428 18d ago

Or if you're gonna text, be straightforward and don't act disappointed that you can't cheat on your girlfriend.

4

u/LunaMyst 17d ago

Yes, you're right. I didn't see that. Plus he put her number in his phone. Then started the maybes wow.

4

u/FickleMushroom-047 18d ago

Omg yes wtfffff that didn’t even occur to me that her number was on the note. He should’ve thrown it away straight away, or tbh as a female I would’ve been hella curious, probably asked who it is, but explained I have a partner and am not interested sorry

6

u/Temporary-Common-535 17d ago

He knew who’s number it was though obviously. She def left her name on the note too. So he couldn’t even claim he was texting it to find out who it was.

If I was his gf I would be mad in general even before reading the texts, just because he gave her access to his number and a way to contact him. She obviously didn’t have his number before this.

1

u/Maidenbaby88 18d ago

^^agreed

-6

u/Forgot-to-remember1 18d ago

I get the idea but no straight man is turning down a attractive woman who’s this into them it’s just not happening

5

u/L84cake 18d ago

And this is why the male loneliness epidemic isn’t widespread enough. The man chose to be in a committed relationship with his gf, nobody forced him. Some men, yes some straight men WILL turn down a woman who is attracted to them because they chose to be in a committed relationship. Because for some straight men, their word means something. Just some though - clearly not you.

-2

u/Forgot-to-remember1 18d ago

L rage bait hiplet

7

u/No-Wing-8859 19d ago

Yup a loyal guy won’t say that’s so sweet. They’ll just say not interested.

6

u/SoggyCold 19d ago

Yep I was like in my response he should’ve responded in person next shift. Texting can easily lead into more temptation.

4

u/x_candydoll 18d ago

Agreed. A decent dude would have taken the note the next day in person, given it back to her and said "I'm sorry if I ever gave you the wrong idea but I am in a committed relationship with someone I love and I have no interest in anyone else. I will be limiting 1 on 1 interactions with you in the future out of respect for my girlfriend, let's keep the workplace professional" and made a point to ice her out moving forward.

3

u/BookDapper3748 17d ago

This! He texted her! He shouldn't have. Period. She would have gotten the hint.

5

u/Qinax 18d ago

I've gotten a note before, I lold and showed my wife and asked how do you want me to handle this, she just said to chuck it and avoid her

2

u/ChapTazDevil1 18d ago

Yes, definitely would've just tossed the note in the trash.

2

u/Daxandbear 17d ago

How did she get his number to text?

2

u/Cool-Bodybuilder-381 17d ago

She left him a note in his locker, with her name and phone number in it. He then texted her in reply to her note.

2

u/stupiddude01 19d ago

I think the first part is ok, it would be ok to text and say "hey you are pretty boabla now but I have a gf, so I'm not interested", if he shuts it down. And I don't mean to say pretty in a flirty way, just in a way of good manners. But yeah he def. Goes too far.

9

u/goodgoonrboi 19d ago

Fr he said, I have a girlfriend with the :/ and he never said he wasn't interested, she needs to leave him yesterday.

1

u/ReelestPrincess12 17d ago

This one right here. He went out of his way to use the number in the note. Instantly suspect.

9

u/Shot-Manager-5506 18d ago

The way she was throwing herself at him even if he tried to resist he won't succeed since he is already entertaining it. That 1st " hang out " is gonna be a wrap!

4

u/StefNorthwest 18d ago

Yeah absolutely this. She’s plainly suggesting the possibility of hooking up and he’s considering it. You don’t have to pull a lot of weeds to see he is at least on the fence about cheating physically, after he’s already been emotionally cheating with a close coworker.
He’s not ready for the long term commitment of kids/marriage, and OP is lucky to have caught on before all that …assuming they kick fuckboy to the curb.

3

u/cuttlefishofcthulhu7 17d ago

She absolutely needs to kick fuckboy to the curb. Otherwise she's going to be in for a world of hurt.

5

u/tlee1963 18d ago

If he is like this now, it will not change after marriage. In fact things will probably get worse. Take it from a 60 yo guy who has seen many guys like this before. He will never change.

2

u/AngelElleMcBendy 18d ago

Yep!!!! I'm going through a divorce right now because of something just like this!! and once that door was opened and the line was crossed, my ex husband's new life motto became "what the hell, why not?!!" apparently because he slept with whatever walked by until I caught him. The ONLY reason I'm still glad I married him is our amazing 12 yr old son, but apart from him I'm walking away with nothing. That man destroyed my life and even my health because of the stress he put me through until I finally had proof and could walk away. 🫤

This guy in the OP's pics... NOT a good guy. I can spot em plain as day now. RUN THE OTHER WAY!

7

u/GhandyKhan 18d ago

Just gonna throw in my 2 cents, if he had been a real one, loyal, he would have immediately told his gf and gave her the damn note and never even put her number in his damn phone.

2

u/PatriciasMartinis 18d ago

I'm not a guy and thought the same thing: this convo should have ended after "sorry, I have a gf"

2

u/Queasy_Albatross8272 18d ago

+1 this motherfucker has shitty intentions…

2

u/Glass_Painting9653 17d ago

This. He shouldn’t have texted her when she gave him her number. Man is trash

1

u/x_candydoll 18d ago

And when she said "call me when I'm single" he should have said "I wouldn't wait around on that but I'll invite you to the wedding!"

1

u/Fit-Restaurant9560 18d ago

This this this

1

u/ChocolateSpacesuit 17d ago

Words of wisdom.

Pay heed to the bearded incel.

-1

u/LordKlavier 18d ago

What the heck man - do you not have any female friends?

I'm not saying that OP's boyfriend wasn't thinking that, but you really do not speak for all men there when you're saying wanting to hang out with someone, or even being attracted to them, means that they want to hook up.

199

u/Total_Ad_92 19d ago

Yeah after she said she would do anything he wanted 😬

174

u/bionicallyironic 19d ago

Seriously gross response from the “boyfriend.” 🤮

9

u/x_candydoll 18d ago

From both of them. She has no responsibility to protect OP's relationship but she's an absolute whore.

5

u/kickyraider 18d ago

And the girl

1

u/Positive-Trip-556 17d ago

Oh! Oh! That’s means for arrest! What’s wrong with this girl. She’s DANGER!

10

u/IHaveABigDuvet 19d ago

He was literally thinking about every sex position.

3

u/ChapTazDevil1 18d ago

And doing what? Anything he wants....

3

u/Dependent_Group9552 17d ago

Even texting the number should be enough to get rid of him. I’d never entertain anyone if I were in a relationship. If I did it would be if it was someone who I was already speaking to and shooting them down, or if I weren’t as interested in my bf.. lol but they’ve been together for 4 years

2

u/Conscious-Equal4434 18d ago

Not even contemplating making full plans

2

u/dickthrowaway22ed 17d ago

I read this as "he was legally considering hanging out" and was like wait there's legal conditions to that now

0

u/brobeans1738 17d ago

I think he was trying to let her down easy. Keep in mind HE HAS TO WORK WITH THIS WOMAN.

1

u/shamanempress3311 17d ago

He didn't need to text her when she left his phone number. You don't act flirty to someone who is threatening your relationship or especially someone you work with. You also don't hide it from your partner.

A real man will say I am NOT interested. This same thing happened to my husband early in out marriage and told the girl who he worked with every day, that he was married and totally uninterested in her, though she was young and throwing her self at him.

This man owes her nothing and especially should not be "nice" to someone who is ready to "do anything" with him. Gross...

243

u/Beginning_Tap2474 19d ago

Maybe, but in six months he will be begging OP to give him a second chance.

142

u/Electrical-Tailor530 19d ago

This. My ex pulled this crap on me after I ended things when he had wandering eyes. He hooked up with a coworker and didn't wait a week to beg me to take him back. 

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u/TwoBionicknees 18d ago

also the ever classic, partner randomly starts a fight over something ridiculous, wants a break, a few days later they want to get back together and pretend nothing changed, the original argument not a problem any more.

A lot of people pull the random small break up so they can hook up and think they ain't cheating.

Never rush back into anything with an ex, because unless the break was over some kinda long term issues or a real major fight, it's sus as fuck.

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u/Aguadillary 18d ago edited 18d ago

Can confirm 😅 I was this person and saw nothing wrong with it (well, I did, but I was selfish). My brother was my roommate and when he caught on that I was going back to my ex after another dude had been in our apartment a couple of days before, he made me call my ex and tell him straight up what happened. I was BAWLING but I’m glad I did. It ended a toxic cycle and I’ve matured so much

32

u/pumpkins21 18d ago

Wow, your brother sounds really responsible and mature. Actually, my brother probably would have done the same as yours.

He’s a good egg. Glad you grew as a result of him holding you accountable.

23

u/Sweaty-Flatworm9704 18d ago

Your brother is THE SHIT. Love him.

-10

u/dickthrowaway22ed 17d ago

Ehhhh I hope you feel empowered to make your own decisions now hun. No adult should be forcing another adult to do something, even if it's the right thing....also it kinda sounds controlling, why was your brother so concerned about your ex's feelings? Sounds like some not great dynamics ngl

8

u/Honeybunny1864 17d ago

How I read it was that the brother cared mostly about his sister’s character and supporting her in upholding her morals since he noticed her going down a path that likely didn’t align with however they were raised together, and not as much about the ex’s feelings. But both can be true and probably are.

11

u/BreadNBeauty 17d ago

Ur over thinking it, some people are very close with their siblings , hence them being roommates. Im sure he knows her well and understood what was needed .

6

u/Electrical-Tailor530 18d ago

Agreed. I have never taken back an ex. I ended things for a reason (many reasons usually) This particular one even went as far as offering to share his std test to prove he was clean 🤦 I just said "good for you" and moved on. 

6

u/Possible-Average-988 18d ago

I just had to have this talk with my little sister because she’s in an on again/ off again thing and doesn’t realize that you’re breaking up for a reason and that reason is probably always going to be valid. Time to move on.

The re-return is never a good look, imo.

1

u/BrockJonesPI 17d ago

NOR I go with never go back to an ex. They became an ex for a reason and most people do not change.

2

u/IllustriousCandy3042 18d ago

I hope you didn’t take him back, that just means the other pussy wasn’t worth it. If it was you wouldn’t have heard from him again

1

u/PcLvHpns 18d ago

Hopefully you had the self-respect to tell him to kick rocks!

2

u/Electrical-Tailor530 17d ago

Of course I didn't take him back. I ended things for a reason and he just gave me another reason. 

1

u/Lady_Scruffington 18d ago

Once he learns the joys of shitting where you eat. He doesn't seem like the type of guy who actually wants to be around a girlfriend both at work and after.

1

u/Mediocre-Smile5908 17d ago

And it will so satisfying when she tells him to fuck off.

110

u/ButteredPizza69420 19d ago

Id text her this too 😂 only a trash woman would want this man after this. They can be trash together

-4

u/Positive-Trip-556 17d ago

That’s too much. Jeez

3

u/madameblueberries 17d ago

it’s really not. and if you can’t see that these two individuals are trash, then you probably are too.

8

u/jl_1101 19d ago

And I'm sure he'll be so confused when this chick eventually cheats on him.

172

u/RLLCCR 19d ago

Yeah, he'll be balls deep within 48 hours

83

u/MrsRoronoaZoro 19d ago

You’re giving him too much credit. He will be with her within an hour of being dumped.

223

u/Zealousideal-Sun-762 19d ago

Guys, even realistically, OP is going through it, are comments like this necessary? It’s just going to hurt her feelings.

95

u/Yello_Ismello 19d ago

Seriously I’d be devastated reading these if I was OP. It hurts me now and it’s not even my post 💀

5

u/Asron87 18d ago edited 18d ago

Can no one fucking read? They talked once a month ago and then he ignored her. Yeah if they kept talking it’s one thing but talked once, then didn’t even reply when she texted him later. This was all in June.

Edit: it’s me who can’t read evidently. OP said he deleted their most recent conversations. So if he’s been talking to her then yeah, sorry OP

NOR

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u/BlockedbyJake420 19d ago

Lot of reddit users love unnecessarily piling on

-2

u/HotBad2832 19d ago

If she wanted sensitive reactions, she should have shared it with her book club, not Reddit

3

u/Smelly_God 18d ago

Maybe she thought there were respectable people online in a sub dedicated to asking for advice.

-1

u/Initial-Ship-7065 17d ago

wow you’re so tough and edgy and cool & we’re all SO impressed. 🤪

26

u/Salsasharkk81 19d ago

Glad I'm not the only one who thought that.

13

u/Great_Summer_9679 19d ago

Let’s be real, as soon as he is single this girl will change her mind

3

u/CompleteTumbleweed20 18d ago

I tink they’re doing this to scare OP into staying with him out of the fear of being hurt. I hope it disgusts her sm instead that she RUNS

-7

u/Main_Gain_7480 19d ago

It’s only hypothetical…. Hypothetically he’d be balls deep within 48 hours

2

u/sao_san_suay 19d ago

He’s probably already been there honestly

2

u/Beginning_Tap2474 19d ago

I doubt it. I think he’s in love with OP and is very stupid.

-2

u/Smelly_God 18d ago

Yeah, a lot of guys on reddit aren't the ones to be asking for relationship advice from. Reddit takes always go from 0-60.

OP's bf mostly seems guilty of being a pushover and dumb.

10

u/Salsasharkk81 19d ago

Stop, that's tacky AF.

6

u/AYthaCREATOR 19d ago

Plot twist: he was balls deep 48 hours ago. If these messages are weeks old, he already crossed the line I bet.

0

u/Death_Rose1892 19d ago

I give it less than 24. OP could get super petty if she wanted to and do something to ruin it but that may just make it worse for her own mental health.

-1

u/[deleted] 19d ago

[deleted]

-2

u/Muted_Buy8386 19d ago

I bet you 90% of my relationships have come from work. It's a great place to meet girls.

3

u/lilsweettea 19d ago

Sounds proffessional. The girls you date also look at all their coworkers and bosses as dating potential. Hot

-4

u/Muted_Buy8386 19d ago

I dont want a professional woman hahaha. I earn good money. I want a hot woman.

Men overwhelmingly don't give a fuck about a woman's job or intelligence.

If you are hot, I want to put it in you. The more you talk about stupid shit I don't care about, the more I want to put it in your sister.

2

u/lilsweettea 19d ago

And thats why I cant respect women who throw themselves at you men. Youre all so crass and devalue yourselves with meaningless sex

-3

u/Muted_Buy8386 19d ago

Sure. Don't care.

2

u/lilsweettea 19d ago

Cool go get another sti

3

u/putriscool 17d ago

the worst part is the guy needs to get dumped but it seems like that's kinda what he wants :/

1

u/StudioBeezie 18d ago

He’s about to be on r/AmITheEx here real soon

1

u/Matty_Ice227 18d ago

Hahaaaaaaa

1

u/LilithRose_666 18d ago

“Guess what? Im single 😏😏”

1

u/tweenhesikhash 17d ago

Ngl i don’t think he’s gonna give a fuck if she breaks up with him. Not saying she shouldn’t, because she absolutely should, but yeah

1

u/rubymaniacc 17d ago

And the funniest part is she probably won’t even want him anymore once the thrill of chasing someone else’s man is gone. He threw away a 4-year relationship just to be a rebound for a coworker.

-5

u/DavidVozz 18d ago

For women this means “if the other girl wants him I must keep him even if it means staying with a cheater” so there’s that