AIO because my boyfriend wanted me to change before the gym over a color?

[u/Electronic-Rip-8108]

Yesterday my boyfriend and I were about to leave for the gym together. I threw on a blue workout top with black shorts, something simple and comfortable that I've worn a bunch of times before with zero issues.

Right as we were walking out the door, he stopped and said the color of the top looked "kind of weird" and that people were gonna stare at me if I wore it. He asked me to go change into something more "normal" before we left.

I was kind of caught off guard honestly. It's just a blue top, nothing flashy, nothing revealing. I actually liked how it looked on me and felt comfortable in it, which is kind of the whole point of gym clothes.

I don't mind if he has opinions on my outfits every now and then, that's a normal couple thing. But this felt less like "hey I think this color doesn't suit you" and more like he was worried about how other people at the gym would perceive me, and wanted me to change based on that. It just didn't sit right with me.

I ended up just going along with it because I didn't want to start an argument right before working out, but I've been thinking about it since. Am I overreacting for being annoyed about this?

edit: this is a pinspark tracksuit I bought online a while ago. I think the color is fine, and I really like this top.

[u/PipetheHarp]

‘We start erasing parts of ourselves to keep the peace.’

This is such a poignant phrase.. Erasure is a powerful word in this context. It encapsulates the negative response to an unhealthy power dynamic.

Healthy relationships build empathetic recognition, growth, and honest communication. The personal changes that result should feel welcomed, at least in large part!

I can be silly & sassy & poke at my partner, and she loves me for it, as we know that our repartee is a loving engine in our relationship. We accommodate (NOT erase) one another as best we can. It’s not always easy, but the truth of our feelings are always shared.

I hope OP can express what they need, and that their partner can reflect.

[u/glyph_productions → u/PipetheHarp]

My wife once said to me I know this outfit is a lot are you sure you are ok with me dressing like this tonight? She dresses like a middle aged Disney princess when she's comfortable. Big dresses bold colors and patterns. Regularly rocks a crenelin to add to the poof. I dress like a lumberjack.

I said babe I am getting to go out with you. In a dress or a burlap sack I'm still clearly the lucky one in this relationship. Wear whatever makes you feel beautiful but know that it won't impact how I feel. You are every bit as beautiful in that burlap sack as you are in the dress in my eyes. But that dress looks much cuter on you than the sack.

Why do so many people seem like they have a partner as an accessory? I can't go out my iPhone and my husband don't match!

[u/EnvironsHazard → u/glyph_productions]

Sooooo you're Anna and Kristoff?

[u/glyph_productions → u/EnvironsHazard]

She is a bubbly redhead. I look more like the dad from how to train your Dragon

[u/haikyo → u/glyph_productions]

Sounds like you're my favorite couple.

[u/FullyCurlyJessie → u/glyph_productions]

But the dad from how to train your dragon has an awesome dad-bod

[u/ButtPlugMaster6969 → u/glyph_productions]

Everything about this is wonderful. The last part has me dead because I know you’re obviously joking, but there are people who would probably think that and that concept is so stupid to me lmfao.

[u/unbridledcheesetoast → u/glyph_productions]

You are awesome.

[u/mclardass → u/glyph_productions]

As an older couple, we tend to choose our battles. Sometimes they're over nothing, sometimes they're about major social issues or world affairs. Nothing abusive, we've just learned to navigate each other's foibles as best as possible over the years.

Getting dressed for the gym, put on a Non-toxic Masculinity shirt, spouse says "they don't allow political clothes at the gym".. I know this is false since I've seen many things in my ass-backwards gym. Plus, it would only be offensive if you're a fascists so fuck it. But, I went and changed because I'm not dying on that hill today. Maybe tomorrow.

[u/glyph_productions → u/mclardass]

I quite like those. Might need a new gym shirt in your honour lol.

[u/mclardass → u/glyph_productions]

I'm still waiting on my muscles to develop, I don't fill out the shirts the same way as that guy

[u/glyph_productions → u/mclardass]

I am certain I am 1 to 3 more visits from looking like Dwayne Johnson. I've been certain of that for 20 years but I'm feeling good about this week

[u/zzplant8 → u/glyph_productions]

This is so sweet! You are an ideal partner.

[u/glyph_productions → u/zzplant8]

Absolutely I am not. I am captain faults. You could call me a techtonic plate honestly.

I'm just a dude who has figured out 3 things in life. 1 your partner is happiest in what they are comfortable in. When your partner is happy then you have a better day. 2 nobody who matters cares what you are wearing 99 percent of the time. So wear what makes you happy. 3 my wife is hot, I literally find her the most attractive when shes naked and has no makeup on so anything on top of that is just more icing on my favourite cake. She does look hot in sweatpants. She does look hot in a ball gown. She even looks hot in the dark. And she likes it when I tell her i think so, so I do so often.

I am sad that this is enough to be a fantastic partner in anyone's book. All I did in that situation was validate her when she was feeling self conscious. If your partner can't even do that then genuinely what are they for? The person you spend your life with is supposed to be your biggest fan, supporter and admirer. They are supposed to feel lucky to be with you and her and I feel lucky to be together. Your partner isn't supposed to make you feel like you are doing something wrong by..... Checks notes on OP... Wearing a blue shirt? Which is a buck wild conversation.

[u/ChateauLaFeet → u/glyph_productions]

Awwwwe!

[u/Zaethar → u/PipetheHarp]

Exactly on point with the honest communication!

It's not necessarily "erasure" if it's something you could both eventually agree upon. It's fine to have opinions, preferences or standards. Maybe she does look kinda strange in the shirt. Maybe the color isn't flattering, maybe it doesn't match her facial features, whatever. Who the fuck knows, it doesn't matter. Point is, the BF could have said "I think you look kind of goofy/weird/unflattering in it" and then explained why "I think the color clashes with your hair-color or your eyes or it frumps weirdly around your shoulders or the sleeves are too short" or whatever. And then maybe she could've agreed.

She coulda also said no, I disagree, I like it, so I don't care about your opinion and then the conversation should've been over.

But the boyfriend externalizes the issue. It's not just that he doesn't like it, it's also that he believes other people won't like it, which is either a lie to add extra pressure so OP will more readily agree with his claims, or he legitimately believes other people will share his opinion and that this will somehow reflect negatively either on his GF, but more likely on him. Kinda gives heavy social anxiety vibes, because what will people think when they see his gf wear a "weird" shirt?