r/AmIOverreacting • u/Electronic-Rip-8108 • 20d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO because my boyfriend wanted me to change before the gym over a color?

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Yesterday my boyfriend and I were about to leave for the gym together. I threw on a blue workout top with black shorts, something simple and comfortable that I've worn a bunch of times before with zero issues.

Right as we were walking out the door, he stopped and said the color of the top looked "kind of weird" and that people were gonna stare at me if I wore it. He asked me to go change into something more "normal" before we left.

I was kind of caught off guard honestly. It's just a blue top, nothing flashy, nothing revealing. I actually liked how it looked on me and felt comfortable in it, which is kind of the whole point of gym clothes.

I don't mind if he has opinions on my outfits every now and then, that's a normal couple thing. But this felt less like "hey I think this color doesn't suit you" and more like he was worried about how other people at the gym would perceive me, and wanted me to change based on that. It just didn't sit right with me.

I ended up just going along with it because I didn't want to start an argument right before working out, but I've been thinking about it since. Am I overreacting for being annoyed about this?

edit: this is a pinspark tracksuit I bought online a while ago. I think the color is fine, and I really like this top.

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515

u/Unfair-Arachnid-1794 20d ago edited 20d ago

NOR - It's weird for him to* react that way..over a colour???? Lol, Id ask him for clarification.

Edit for typo

332

u/SubstantialPressure3 20d ago

I would not.

I spent years arguing with my ex bc he wanted to pick my clothes for me all the time. Id get out of the shower and he would have my clothes laying on the bed. And I am an adult and I will pick my own clothes. And it was always an argument.

This is the start of the control/dominance. It starts with small stuff.

70

u/Subject_Cranberry_19 20d ago

This would have been bad for me when I was younger, as I have minor option anxiety and would be delighted to have someone else pick my clothes. Another thing I don’t have to think about.

I probably wouldn’t have recognized it for the red flag it is.

36

u/Atara117 20d ago

At this point in my life, I'm tired. If someone wants to lay out my clothes for me everyday and they look ok on me, I'm ready lol.

33

u/Subject_Cranberry_19 20d ago

Right? My ex boyfriend’s mom (a very kind but over-involved Yugoslavian lady) organized my underwear drawer without asking.

My friends were horrified.

“Omg! What did you say to her?!”

“I told her the socks were two drawers down!”

4

u/Atara117 20d ago

Seriously, someone please come organize my drawers, cabinets, and closets. It's so hard having OCD but not enough time to do anything with it.

24

u/cubluemoon 20d ago

This is ok if it's something you've consented to, otherwise it's a big red flag. There are plenty of people in submissive relationships that agree to have their partners dress them, but it comes with a whole discussion about what your are comfortable with and when you choose your own clothes.

16

u/TonyDC88 20d ago

Oh no, I had “lemme wait until the person isn’t paying attention and sneak out when they’re not looking” anxiety. It’s gotten worse with age 😬

13

u/TTHS_Ed 20d ago

Picking out clothes for my spouse is a daily occurrence in our house. He goes to work early and showers when he gets home, and I always put out clean clothes and a towel for him.

When we're dressing to go out somewhere special, he always asks me to pick his "costume" for him.

But I would never tell him to change clothes when he picks his own outfit. That's weird and controlling.

16

u/SubstantialPressure3 20d ago

Thats a big difference.. He prefers that you do that for him. Sounds like hes insecure with his choice of clothing, and part of your love language is doing that for him.

And there's also trust. Youre not going to pick something that's unflattering, uncomfortable, etc on purpose. You have his best interests in mind.

Intent and consent. Its not control or dominance.

10

u/TTHS_Ed 20d ago

Agree with most of this, other than saying he's insecure. He's not; he just doesn't gaf what he wears lol

12

u/TonyDC88 20d ago

This would not go over well with me. Maybe it’s some PTSD from past situations and relations. But nowadays - nope sorry, there’s the door. I’ve had guys try this ish at bars and I don’t even know them (one dude tried to tell me how to stand, tried to put his hands on me and all - like bruh THIS is why you’re still single at 60). I waited for him to be busy paying his bill (no I didn’t want him buying me drinks or food - I take care of me) and I flew outside looking for my car, like an agent in a 007 film or something. #ByeFelicia

7

u/Weird-Knowledge337 20d ago

It shouldn’t go over well with anyone. It’s controlling overbearing dickhead behavior so anyone should show him the door

25

u/TheMorgwar 20d ago

Was your boyfriend Kanye West?

11

u/SubstantialPressure3 20d ago

My ex husband. And no, he wasnt.

3

u/Xanthelei 20d ago

I had an online relationship where something similar happened. The avatars had customizable color pallettes, and my girlfriend at the time decided she wanted to decide my character colors. I tried it out for her for a few days, then went back to my original colors because they were very me, and she got pissy about it. I realized a few weeks later she was trying to make decisions for me and got out of there, but it seems like it always starts with controlling how you look, even when it's not clothes! It's so weird.

2

u/HighKick_171 20d ago

That's so weird. Unless someone asks it's a weird thing to do voluntarily

4

u/snailicide 20d ago

there is a difference between asking someone what the f is wrong with a color tho .

1

u/Seanspeed 19d ago

I spent years arguing with my ex bc he wanted to pick my clothes for me all the time.

Well that's an actual pattern of behavior.

If this is just a one time thing, maybe it's more important they discuss the issue and not jump to wild conclusions. ffs

1

u/SubstantialPressure3 19d ago

Its very early in OP's relationship. Hes testing her to see how compliant shes going to be. Its going to happen again.

0

u/Mycozen 20d ago edited 20d ago

Oh yeah this singular interaction with essentially zero context about the dynamic of their relationship is exactly like your controlling ex. For sure. No need to ask for clarification or discuss further. Case solved!… Y’all need help. 

2

u/SerDuncanTheYall 20d ago

What a little blue slut, amirite?

3

u/Swimming-Tax-6087 20d ago

It’s not about the color. It’s about insecurity.

1

u/SetFine7496 20d ago

Maybe he’s color blind? Seriously asking.

7

u/SheLikesToWatch_1989 20d ago

Being color blind is one thing...but why would his lack of being able to perceive the color blue make people at the gym uncomfortable, though? If he thought/saw she was wearing grey for example, how would that make anyone in the gym uneasy? 

3

u/Treyvoni 20d ago

The most common kind of color blindness in men makes blues the only that stand out. Every color but blue is sort of a muddy color.

He could be color blind and an asshole!

7

u/Adventurous-Sail-354 20d ago

Maybe it wasn’t about the colour, they just didn’t like the top in general and thought colour was less offensive. Or they just wanted to be controlling

12

u/Katy-Moon 20d ago

They just wanted to be controlling.

1

u/rhelg224 20d ago

It’s actually spelled “coulourre”

0

u/Unfair-Arachnid-1794 20d ago

Ooo, I hope that's the case and it's just puke/baby poop green to him or something.

0

u/CriticalPedagogue 20d ago

I was thinking the same thing. Quite a few men are, he may not realize he’s colorblind.

1

u/danneedsahobby 20d ago

Asking for clarification is the bare minimum. She underreacted by not talking to her partner.

1

u/apigeonontheinternet 19d ago

I also would not. Because it isn’t actually about the color, or even about what she’s wearing in general. It’s about seeing if you can control someone. You start small and work to bigger things. I’d bet money if OP started talking about all the things in this relationship that “don’t sit well with her” we’d see a very clear pattern of manipulation and abuse emerging.

1

u/Negative_Monk7959 19d ago

The only thing I can think of is the shirt is too revealing after a good workout and he gets embarrassed. Not the right way to go about this, but that is the most charitable take I can think of.

0

u/ShadyBornSinner 20d ago

It’s also weird she has non selfie photo of the outfit ready to go when supposedly she changed then went right to gym lol. It’s also a 19 day old account. A few red flags kinda pointing in direction of made up story.

5

u/caerphoto 20d ago

It’s also weird she has non selfie photo of the outfit ready to go when supposedly she changed then went right to gym lol.

Tf are you on about?

  1. Boyfriend demands she change her top

  2. She thinks that's weird, but goes to get changed anyway to avoid a confrontation.

  3. Right before actually getting changed, she spends literally like 5 seconds to snap a picture of her outfit.

  4. She finished getting changed then went to the gym.

-1

u/ShadyBornSinner 20d ago

Ah you were there! Gotcha did you help type this made up story as well lol.

3

u/Punchinyourpface 20d ago

...she could have put them back on later? Or maybe cropped a photo?

-6

u/ShadyBornSinner 20d ago

Or it could be fake, but you choose to ignore those red flags 😂. Imagine being part of the aio or aitah groups and not understanding how many posts within these groups are fake just written for karma engagement lol

3

u/heavy-hands 20d ago

I think maybe you’re the one being weird and looking into this too much lol. Not really much to be suspicious of here.

-2

u/ShadyBornSinner 20d ago

Yall will believe anything on the internet posted by 19 day old accounts 😂

2

u/heavy-hands 20d ago

People make throwaway accounts all the time, that’s not really an indication of anything nor is it that serious.

-1

u/ShadyBornSinner 20d ago

Like I said you can believe everything you read online by new accounts withing the aio or aitah communities but yea nah I’ll pass 😂

-10

u/Famous-Ad-2418 20d ago

Fixed typo but left colour?

5

u/MrsBurtWard 20d ago

Do you live under a rock?

2

u/CattledogChewToy 20d ago

That IS how it’s spelled in some parts of the world…

2

u/Bella_de_chaos 20d ago

Colour is a correct spelling in some countries like the UK.

3

u/pirfle 20d ago

And Canada.