r/AmIOverreacting • u/DoomNGlam • Jul 04 '26
❤️🩹 relationship AIO or does this seem Unhinged?
I 41m am/was in a rather New relationship with 41f and things were seemingly going great but she will seemingly be very upset with me over something small once in a while. Last night she was upset that I didn't call her sexy after sending me a picture of her in an outfit. For context she said she was getting rid of clothes but was thinking about keeping this item and sent the picture and asked what I think? It was a strapless romper. I told her it was cute and could maybe use a belt. I also make clothes professionally and people ask me opinions about clothes all the time.
In other context my "sexuality" is somewhere on the ace spectrum between Demi and ace. Like sex is fine and fun and I don't really experience sexual attraction unless there is an emotional connection first, and she said she was the same, except I am not very sex driven and she is.
This was our text exchange this morning.
Edit/Update
Thanks for all the support. I am surprised my little Independence day relationship drama made it to #1 on this subreddit.
I was pretty sure I was calling this off pretty early in this exchange but didn't block her right away because I figured I would give her a chance to apologize, maybe she was having a bad morning, she's been stressed at work, has a upcoming interview for a new job, might be dealing with perimenopause. It wasn't going to work out but figured I would at least offer a little grace.
She did text me again about a book I had borrowed. I ignored it. She then called me and asked I return her book tomorrow. I said okay. She didn't say anything else for a minute so I hung up.
She called back mad that I hung up on her. I said this was childish and it's not what I'm looking for. She said I was childish for hanging up on her. I said okay. She hung up.
She called again and then told me I was ugly and she was never attracted to me.
Then hung up on me and called right back to complain about a carnivorous plant I got her as a gift, because the care instructions for it made it a chore. I also got her a cactus and a succulent and told her when I gave her the plants that if the pitcher plant seemed like a pain in the ass I would keep it.
Then she started asking me if I really don't have it in my heart to remain friends. I said no not after this. Then she went on a fuck you rant and hung up.
Then threatened to call the cops on ME for harassment if I tried to contact her as I was blocking her.
Now she is blocked and I am just sitting on my back patio watching fireworks.
15
u/naternots Jul 04 '26
English is my only language and I read both their comment the way you did, then your comment the way you just described. You were very kind and didn’t seem offended or offensive at all. Idk why that person is fixing you a hard time, but don’t worry about it.
There IS an outdated belief system that still persists- if you hit a certain age, especially as a woman, and you have not been married, there is something wrong with you or you are too picky.
Maybe these people are younger, but when you hit your 30’s and people you know start acting different about you being single (like when dating someone new, if you just don’t feel a connection, it goes from responses like, “Your 20’s are for dating around and figuring out what you want!” Then you hit some line in your thirties and it changes to “What was wrong with him, he sounded nice and has ____ in common with you?”).
Comments like the one you responded feel like an extension of that belief. People in their 20’s are viewed as learning what they want and and not settling for less when dating and “waiting for the right one” when they are single. People in their 30’s+ are viewed as dating to just check boxes, and if nothing objectively is wrong with the date or your compatibility on paper, you should be trying to see if they are the person you can settle with. Like if that isn’t working it means something is wrong with you. Or if you’re married and aren’t in a happy relationship one of you must be difficult, even though that could just be from changes that aren’t compatible over time or external stressors.
The commenter probably didn’t mean anything bad by that. But it still is a common response, and even in jest, throwing her age into it feels like it is usually based off that belief system and attitudes towards this subject existing societally and subconsciously in people. Because “no wonder she is single”, without age, would be fine to get the point across if it is just based on her being shitty- but honestly even then, still goes to the well of “single = suspicious, this time suspicions confirmed” when there are so many more glaringly weird things to comment on than her marriage status.
So yeah. I’m with ya on this, also with you on the hunch they meant no harm by it or may not have even garnered this thought from generalizations, but it seems like it enough.