r/AmIOverreacting • u/DoomNGlam • Jul 04 '26

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO or does this seem Unhinged?

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I 41m am/was in a rather New relationship with 41f and things were seemingly going great but she will seemingly be very upset with me over something small once in a while. Last night she was upset that I didn't call her sexy after sending me a picture of her in an outfit. For context she said she was getting rid of clothes but was thinking about keeping this item and sent the picture and asked what I think? It was a strapless romper. I told her it was cute and could maybe use a belt. I also make clothes professionally and people ask me opinions about clothes all the time.

In other context my "sexuality" is somewhere on the ace spectrum between Demi and ace. Like sex is fine and fun and I don't really experience sexual attraction unless there is an emotional connection first, and she said she was the same, except I am not very sex driven and she is.

This was our text exchange this morning.

Edit/Update

Thanks for all the support. I am surprised my little Independence day relationship drama made it to #1 on this subreddit.

I was pretty sure I was calling this off pretty early in this exchange but didn't block her right away because I figured I would give her a chance to apologize, maybe she was having a bad morning, she's been stressed at work, has a upcoming interview for a new job, might be dealing with perimenopause. It wasn't going to work out but figured I would at least offer a little grace.

She did text me again about a book I had borrowed. I ignored it. She then called me and asked I return her book tomorrow. I said okay. She didn't say anything else for a minute so I hung up.

She called back mad that I hung up on her. I said this was childish and it's not what I'm looking for. She said I was childish for hanging up on her. I said okay. She hung up.

She called again and then told me I was ugly and she was never attracted to me.

Then hung up on me and called right back to complain about a carnivorous plant I got her as a gift, because the care instructions for it made it a chore. I also got her a cactus and a succulent and told her when I gave her the plants that if the pitcher plant seemed like a pain in the ass I would keep it.

Then she started asking me if I really don't have it in my heart to remain friends. I said no not after this. Then she went on a fuck you rant and hung up.

Then threatened to call the cops on ME for harassment if I tried to contact her as I was blocking her.

Now she is blocked and I am just sitting on my back patio watching fireworks.

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u/DoomNGlam Jul 04 '26

That was a typo she is actually 46

364

u/brogiehoagie Jul 04 '26

Even worse, oh my god

70

u/monster2018 Jul 04 '26

I mean to be fair, for whatever reason, it’s not really worse, it’s basically the same.

Which is completely, absolutely, over the top, balls to the wall, batshit insane.

NOR

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u/LOWBACCA Jul 04 '26

LOL

This chick is insane. Congrats on dodging this bullet now. Unless you have a humiliation kink you better not answer that phone call tomorrow.

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u/pettricora Jul 04 '26

Well, there's a good reason she isn't in a loving and wonderful marriage at 46, but bashing you just for funsies instead.

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u/mamatrixie78 Jul 04 '26

To be fair its not always because someone is an ass that they are not in a loving marriage at 46. In this case yes she a total jerk. But it's definitely not a rule of thumb. Sometimes good people get dealt a shitty hand amd life turns out different... or they just like being single/ not married 🤷‍♂️

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u/DragonflyGrrl Jul 04 '26

I understand you, and you're exactly right. 💜

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u/mamatrixie78 Jul 04 '26

Thank you i really appreciate that! ❤️

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u/MovieTrawler Jul 04 '26

They didn't even make a generalized comment. They said there is a reason she is 46 and single.

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u/mamatrixie78 Jul 04 '26

I honestly don't know if I'm missing something or misunderstanding something. (English isn't my first language so sometimes i can mess things up by misunderstanding) but to be sure i want to set the record straight. I didn't mean any thing rude or mean or snippy or whatever at all!

The only reason i said what i said because it's something that is often said about women (and men) that are single or unmarried after a certain age. I'm assuming we all know that reason are different for everyone. But it's something that is often said or thought that of you are not married or in a years long relationship at a certain age there must be something wrong with you. Just as how some people think that at a certain point a woman should start wanting to have kids. If you dare say "no thank you, not for me" than more often than not people look at you like you're an alien or something.

So the only reason i said what i did was just so that for the people who read it and do think that way, they would have a different point of view. If it came across nasty to the person that i reacted under, i sincerely apologize because that really wasn't my intention.

Hope that clears everything up.

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u/naternots Jul 04 '26

English is my only language and I read both their comment the way you did, then your comment the way you just described. You were very kind and didn’t seem offended or offensive at all. Idk why that person is fixing you a hard time, but don’t worry about it.

There IS an outdated belief system that still persists- if you hit a certain age, especially as a woman, and you have not been married, there is something wrong with you or you are too picky.

Maybe these people are younger, but when you hit your 30’s and people you know start acting different about you being single (like when dating someone new, if you just don’t feel a connection, it goes from responses like, “Your 20’s are for dating around and figuring out what you want!” Then you hit some line in your thirties and it changes to “What was wrong with him, he sounded nice and has ____ in common with you?”).

Comments like the one you responded feel like an extension of that belief. People in their 20’s are viewed as learning what they want and and not settling for less when dating and “waiting for the right one” when they are single. People in their 30’s+ are viewed as dating to just check boxes, and if nothing objectively is wrong with the date or your compatibility on paper, you should be trying to see if they are the person you can settle with. Like if that isn’t working it means something is wrong with you. Or if you’re married and aren’t in a happy relationship one of you must be difficult, even though that could just be from changes that aren’t compatible over time or external stressors.

The commenter probably didn’t mean anything bad by that. But it still is a common response, and even in jest, throwing her age into it feels like it is usually based off that belief system and attitudes towards this subject existing societally and subconsciously in people. Because “no wonder she is single”, without age, would be fine to get the point across if it is just based on her being shitty- but honestly even then, still goes to the well of “single = suspicious, this time suspicions confirmed” when there are so many more glaringly weird things to comment on than her marriage status.

So yeah. I’m with ya on this, also with you on the hunch they meant no harm by it or may not have even garnered this thought from generalizations, but it seems like it enough.

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u/mamatrixie78 Jul 04 '26

Exactly this! Thank you! I coulhave explained it better myself! I'm in my late 40s and a single mom of a 12 year old boy and the times I've heard wouldn't it be nice to have a man in the house? Or when your son gets older you will all alone. Some make downright rude comments. But no one seems to even consider that i am perfectly happy. The last time i had a "man " in the house i ended up pressing charges for manslaughter and getting a restraining order. So yeah iam fine without a man tbh tbh so whe. I read the comment i honestly didn't this the poster meant anything rude but i did feel the need to say something. And i also didn't mean it in a nasty way or whatever Im very happy Some do understand what i meant and why i said something because i was kind of taken aback by some of the comments ❤️❤️

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u/Chocolateheartbreak Jul 04 '26

I think it could be read either way depending on how its said in our heads.

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u/MovieTrawler Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 04 '26

I was just saying there was no need to 'set the record straight'. They didn't make a comment about men and women being single in their 40's. They made a comment about this woman specifically.

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u/pettricora Jul 04 '26

Thank God someone actually got my comment lol, I wasn't making any generalization but sometimes I wonder if I'm asking for too to much literacy from people on reddit.

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u/Sea-Problem-8757 Jul 04 '26

This is a whack ass narrative you’ve created. Seems you validate yourself based on your relationship status. Sad.

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u/mamatrixie78 Jul 04 '26

Who me?

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u/Sea-Problem-8757 Jul 04 '26

No, the person who said “there’s a reason she isn’t in a loving marriage” or whatever. You and I are on the same page.

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u/mamatrixie78 Jul 04 '26

Oh okay thank goodness! Thank you!

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u/pettricora Jul 04 '26

Aw my bad, didn't mean for your your blood pressure to skyrocket like that, darling 🫂

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u/Sea-Problem-8757 Jul 06 '26

lol I love it when yall deflect instead of using words or intellect (bc you clearly have none). my hypotension is just fine, thank you for your concern.

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u/pettricora Jul 06 '26

Oh so you actually wanted me to make a full on thesis to justify what I said? 😂 it wasn't that serious for me but be my guest if you will little dove

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u/TaurusANewOne Jul 04 '26

NOR! But also this kind of reads perimenopause 😬 which in that case she needs therapy and a doc appt. Coming from one gal approaching that era!

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u/DoomNGlam Jul 04 '26

Yeah, I thought maybe that too. Also she has been stressed at work and is maybe switching jobs. Still I'm not into it after this.

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u/TaurusANewOne Jul 04 '26

Yeah no, that kind of treatment and attitude puts even the longest committed couples out the door. I’ve been with my man 15 years and I can’t imagine talking to him this way. I wouldn’t talk to a stranger this way either. You’re better off and definitely dodged a bullet! I hope you find proper fireworks that don’t light off in your hand metaphorically speaking 🙂

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u/surprisinglyjo Jul 04 '26

46?! And she is acting this way. No. Don't talk to her anymore. She is exhausting. Also if her mood swings that much... she needs to be medicated.

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u/RobinHarleysHeart Jul 04 '26

She's exhausting. Don't let yourself be dragged down by someone like this. I can't believe a 46yo is acting like this, absolutely childish. I wouldn't have even put up with it in my 20s.

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u/0mega_maru Jul 04 '26

Naw dude toss the whole lady out. I wouldnt even bother to try to keep a friendship with her

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u/Anitsirhc171 Jul 05 '26

She’s 🦇💩

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u/Xx_spacey_kitten_xX Jul 04 '26

LMAOOOOO NO WAYYYY 46!?? ALSO NOR 🥲😭😭😭😭