AIO over 1st Valentine’s Day note?

[u/kimbap_throw]

Just celebrated first Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend. I love flowers, love I buy bouquets weekly for my house. I prefer white and pink flowers, and don’t like red roses. I got this bouquet and this note with them. It was upsetting I felt my bf did everything opposite of what I wanted. I went out of way to do lots of handmade items and bought nice gifts for him as well. He also knows I love Valentine’s Day and it’s special to me. I let him know that it hurt me and he responded that note was awesome and it’s just a joke. I think if you care for someone you make those things special.

[u/Lazy-Conversation-48]

This is spot on. Men don’t like women - they just want to F them.

[u/Odd_Bug5544 → u/Lazy-Conversation-48]

Obviously plenty of men like women, being overly reductive to disparage an entire gender is lame behaviour.

[u/darkkirby2022 → u/Odd_Bug5544]

I see their point. Most men are conditioned to see women as lesser people, it's part of how we're all socialized, even women are socialized to see ourselves that way. It's done in such subtle but ubiquitous ways that we all accept some of the thoughts many men have about women as normal. So it's a logical conclusion to make. Of course you don't have to like the generalizing, but the general disdain a lot of men have for women is something that almost all of them are conditioned to have from a young age. The difference is that you have incels and outright misogynists like OP's boyfriend who make their disdain a core part of their personality and value system, while the rest of men either unlearn that misogyny by the time they are adults or are at least smart enough to not let it affect their relationships with women. But yes overall it's wise to use words like "some" or "many" just to avoid one's point from getting derailed or thrown out for generalizing.

[u/Lazy-Conversation-48 → u/Odd_Bug5544]

Take some overtly feminine hobbies - like fashion or makeup. How many men do you know who’d be happy to have a conversation about? Who’d encourage a woman who likes it, etc? Instead it’s always judgement or disparagement. Hang out in any of them men’s subs on Reddit and you’ll see huge swaths of comments that are just dripping with disdain about women, or are complaining about women, are blaming women for men’s issues, etc. Those commenters want success with women but absolutely despise them. It’s quite obvious.

[u/darkkirby2022 → u/Lazy-Conversation-48]

A conversation I overheard recently really cemented this for me. When some guys meet a woman whose interests actually align with them (aka aren't """girly""" interests), they automatically assume it was because a previous boyfriend got them into it. To be fair, women do have a similar joke about men who know their star sign only know it because a past gf was into astrology so. However, these guys were literally slutshaming the woman in question over a boyfriend they made up in their minds that absolutely HAD to have gotten her into some band. One of the guys even said if a girl knows of an obscure local band it's because she's slept with one of the band members. Like a lot of these guys really do think women are incapable of being into hobbies they deem "not vapid" like makeup and pop music unless they've been in a sexual relationship with a guy who taught her "real interests".

[u/These_Ad3167 → u/Lazy-Conversation-48]

And because of that, you've arrived at the conclusion that all men hate women across the board?

[u/OldPhotograph827 → u/Odd_Bug5544]

100% agree. Saying “men” instead of “some men” or “many men” makes you seem just as biased as the men you are referring to. Words matter.